pattilicious

2010-05-17T12:50:00.000+08:00

i will jiayou de. :)

2010-04-24T02:33:00.000+08:00

i really dont thk i can be friends with a liar. i cant tk it. not exactly a liar. just always full of lame excuses. finding all sorts of ways to explain what why how it happened. all defence but no remorse reflect and obviously, no apology. seriously, i hope im wrong abt you. oh yah. you must be pretty selfcentred. and i know youre definitely selfsufficient. whatever, you cheapo ingrate.

2010-04-23T11:22:00.003+08:00

it was a horrible night. maybe i ate too much hello panda. i cldnt breath properly and i cldnt slp at all. sigh.

good for you. a new love interest huh. oh well.

2010-04-23T00:44:00.000+08:00

suddenly feel slpy. i guess thats another excuse for me to not study tonight. oh well. thx for messing up my life.

Bounty Hunter was not bad. milo was rather sweet. le sigh.

2010-04-22T19:04:00.000+08:00

i cant believe what just happened in the bus. and i thought i wldnt need to let it out. oh well. maybe i shld go to bali after all...

2010-04-22T11:08:00.000+08:00

朋友聚会吵闹的快乐
在她们离开以后变稀薄
走路回家回像山洞的窝
突然渴望有人能来接我
泡著热水在浴室赖著
思念却也被滚烫冒烟了
最后的简讯看到能背了
多久没有再联络一想还是痛

少了一个人宠爱我
朋友的爱成分就是不同
最难过是笑著面对被羡慕自由
练很久的成熟也快遮掩不住寂寞

妈妈在电话裏挂念我
上次欲言又止她还记得
喜欢装没事其实最累了
但我清楚很多事哭了也没用

少了一个人拥抱我
那种拥抱能够忘了所有
两个人就算下雪后赤脚逆著风
也不觉得冰冻还笑得比阳光炽热

少了一个人懂得我
能够体会我倔强又脆弱
不记仇温柔原谅我情绪太波动
用泪光舍不得融化我累积的寂寞

很固执无条件爱我从来没变过
在大吵的时候会抱著我沉默不动

2010-04-22T10:54:00.002+08:00

with BY2's ai shang ni on repeat mode plus the billion failed attempts to get jay's concert tickets is fucking depressing.

2010-04-20T23:05:00.000+08:00

i always wonder why cant i stand up as quickly as the others. its not as sad, but still sad, to see you running without even feeling a thing. no hard feelings. im just saying...

2010-04-20T08:03:00.001+08:00

the weather today is so shiok. dad is gg jakarta and this means he wont be home. i like it.

it was a dreamy night. which is hateful. the tpy macs scene kept replaying in my head. i wanna recall more but... i cant. if only someone cld help. just kidding. i dont need help.

2010-04-19T19:28:00.000+08:00

i was stuffing myself silly with the char kuay teow. just thking abt it makes me wanna puke.

more strength and will pls? i need to pull thru this. i cant wait for a year or two to move on fully. my exams are in may. sigh.

2010-04-19T15:34:00.000+08:00

am i crazy or what?
SHE - $171
Jay - $141
Mika - $???

all in a month. sigh. maths is horrible. macs too.

2010-04-19T13:26:00.000+08:00

ive been getting into minor accidents. i hit my head the other day. i hit my toe this morn. and i just cut my finger today. hai. i used to be quite pleased that my legs do not have scars or anything but ive been getting bitten by insects recently and i have like 6 huge blister scars.

macs radio is damn loud. i have no choice but to listen to my emo momo mp3s. i thk i wanna eat instant noodles tonight. ive been eating fastfood every other day. i ate twice on sat! :(

2010-04-18T23:34:00.001+08:00

什么都不要懂只想继续做梦
害怕醒来以后握不住你的手
是谁太不成熟没体谅彼此感受

我不停寻找着理由解释分手
心好空像没温度的气球
我的灵魂困在回忆中动也不能动
爱上你不需要理由你到底懂不懂
可是怀念竟比失去还要更难受
噢~爱让我想起你的时候泪禁不
住滑落
可惜你永远都不会懂
放心我还会好好的过

2010-04-18T10:13:00.000+08:00

the SHE concert was really awesome max! i was really extremely glad i went thou i know the ticket cost a bomb. but i didnt regret and i hope i wont be regretting later. im gonna cut down on eating out when i start work! its quite hard cus eating out = meeting friends. oh well. i'll try! :)

my tears welled up many times during the concert. haha it sounds so silly to you but seriously, i was touched. by their singing. by their performance. by their diligence. by their lyrics and by the bond they share.

i felt v proud that i cld sing along to almost all songs and haha. i stood all the way! im so thankful that i managed to get tickets on event day and i didnt mention that i was sitting at row 8?!? hehe. my view was superb max. i cld see their pores lor. i swear they are damn pretty!

now that ive gotten such an exp stress-reliever, i need to focus on my studies and not be distracted anymore. i pray for a clear mind. actually, i wld rather want a clear situation. a clarification. this is such a mess. and you know me... i hate to get no answers. sometimes, i feel like calling you an asshole/ fucker, and hang up on you.

oh. i wanna thank zhen and wh for their help and company! hehe. without them, this wldnt have been a success! :)

zhen knew i wld regret if i had missed it so she kept encouraging me to go. its true. i guess i'll nv wanna miss any of their future concerts. and i wanna attend it with siewchun! even thou, er. someone else flashed across my mind but yea. that person no longer exists in my life.

i shall post a photo of happy me that liz took aft zhen called to say she managed to buy my tics! hehe. liz said i haven looked so happy in a while. ever since this year...

2010-04-15T15:57:00.000+08:00

kent is super sweet. when i saw his reply, i cried. i know it sounds kinda ridiculous but seriously, i was really touched. im extremely thankful that i have friends like him & neo & char & shar & van & tg. i know no matter what happens, they will always be here for me.

i nv thought i wld feel so alone... its so scary. i dont want the same feeling i had 4 years back. and the same thoughts i had in the past, are back to haunt me again... the thought of watching a movie alone. the thought of going hols alone. the thought of hanging out at the beach alone.

so ironic. i feel alone and yet, i also want to be. im not in the mood to talk to anyone at all actually. which is gd... gd for my revision...

sigh. if praying helps, im gonna pray every night. i just did. last night. i prayed that i will be healed soon and that He will forgive me for things i shldnt have done and said. i will try my best to lead a better life, for myself. i will forgive, forget and move on with... grace.

2010-03-22T00:11:00.000+08:00

sigh. shldnt i do what i preach?

so it took me quite a bit of courage and as usual, i got nth back in return.

2010-02-07T00:46:00.000+08:00

hehe. finally can blog from my iphone!

sigh. i feel so tired tonight... but no! no more procrastination, pat! lets get your ass moving and clean the room! er, even though its 12.45am now. boo.

2009-11-15T07:14:00.002+08:00

hi! i woke up at 7. just to cont blogging. haha kidding. and er. you dont hafta read it la. its for my own keepsake lor. tsk tsk. you all v kpo ah. shoo shoo shoo, sugartown.

actually i shld go back to slp. my dark rings... :(

i cant wait to eat beehoon when i wake up later! my mum better not disappoint me.

i cant rem what i did in the last week of oct. i hope i went home early everyday. its so weird. my calendar says "500 days of summer" 3 days in a row. haha. nvm.

30th oct, fri - dinner with charneo. did we? i cant rem lor.

31st oct, sat - oh oh. i finally watched 500 days of summer on this day! it was aft work. then we went to shop for presents. but nth nice. the day ended quite sianly. i think cus whatever i like, nobody likes. i love to have support from my friends ma.

1st nov, sun - v scary lor. how nov came so fast. me and shar were like, omg its nov! its a super busy period for her la. i'll try and help her as much as possible lor. though i know nth abt her job scope. shes not willing to share share also. so selfish. nvm dont say alrd dont say alrd. it was also the last day of dance. after slacking arnd at lido with my dancemates, i went to study at tiong bahru. not bad leh. i studied for like 3 hours? haha hey its not bad ok!

3rd nov, tue - bcm with the perfect friends! yay everyone came! except... kangs haha. poor thing. she had to revise for her test. only i ate bcm though. i was studying at starbucks before meeting them. shit. wheres that momentum for studying ah. come back to me pls!

5th nov, thurs - steamboated at liang court with aaron bryan rayson. the dinner was horrible and i was extremely tired. had headache lor. omg. i still owe aaron 32 bucks!

6th nov, fri - it was a super long day for me. had a teambuilding deal at sentosa and 2 laser deals after. but dinner was awesome! i was craving for pastamania and aaron and rayson were there waiting for me to knock off from work. so patient hor. they were gonna wait till 9pm lor. crazy pple. aft dinner, beishan joined us for desserts at xing wang. haha but i ate more than desserts la. i ordered fries! :) i love potatoes! anything starchy.

7th nov, sat - rayson suddenly called to say to meet up with nora. since he was coming to pick me up, ok lor. i was quite tired from work but ok la. i can tahan one. yea. i worked from like 9.30-7.30pm? they went to the hp shop while i went to shop for presents. i was tempted to get heels lor. not sure why. tampines sells a lot of girls stuff. when i have the time la, i'll go. myself. aaron joined us at 11.30 at the prata place. oh yah. for two consecutive saturdays, ive been having pratas for dinner! last night too! and for three consecutive nights, i met up with rayson and aaron.

8th nov, sun - went to work again. omg. i suddenly realised its been a crazy wk hahahaha so funny. er ok. i went to office at 9 lor. got home at only 3pm. but ok la. while waiting, i studied a bit. i did one tutorial! not bad hor. toho is a good place for studying.

lunch was good! i had ramen with zy and BK with fiz/ wj! they make me so happy. i think when i leave anergy, i'll miss all of them.

10th nov, tue - ichiban and movie with wen and char! my girlfriend is an agent is v good! haha i used to watch korean movies only with xuan. but now i know i can ask the girls out too! yays! it was a good night. :)

11th nov, wed - went to tiong bahru to study. within 2 hours, i spent 100 over on undergarments. went town later to get fiz's present. aiyo ive spent a lot this wk. next wk must save le! sharon also!

12th nov, thurs - had The Rice Table with fiz and shar. so glad he likes the wallet we got for him! and he enjoyed dinner too! not me though. i wasnt v hungry and i thought the food was okok only.

13th nov, fri - had work again. it was a bad day. super moody. not sure why. omg. i forgot to reply char. i was v tired la. we had to stay till 9plus and i drank like almost one jug of beer cus kevin the mr charming made me drink haha. he gave me two jugs la. but i think the girls and zy drank the other? it was really fun though! for the next two hours, i was v happy. i know one jug is v little. im such a lousy drinker. but good what. for me, temporary happiness is easy and cheap to get! and after two hours, i was a little sian cus no longer high alrd haha. the good thing was, i felt better. oh, pls be assured that i'll not do this in future if im feeling troubled/ down. unless i dont hafta pay. it was just for fun. and seriously, you pple shld know i rarely try things for fun. i dont like to do wrong/ risky things. luckily big monster didnt scold me. whew.

monster, erm. i mean shar m had to go get iphone cover so we left the van at sentosa and went vivo. haha the girls and i went f21 to shop while zy went adidas. oh no, die. i need to buy dresses for the wedding this weekend! shit. nvm.

the girls didnt even allow me to go toilet myself lor haha so cute. we peed tgt and went carls junior to get chilli cheese fries before setting off to sentosa. then, we realised that sentosa express was no longer operating!!! so we literally ran to the bus interchange. finally reached our van and got home at 12pm. bathed and came online. slept at 2plus. sharon's room is clean! at least no bed bugs. hahaha! it was a fun night! :) more more more!

14th nov, sat - got up at 6.30am to bathe and prep for work. so early hor. yealor. work ended at 7pm and we had prata for dinner. it was a good night with fiz zy kent tg! i finally did lots of catching up with kent. i miss the boys la. fiz and zy were in their own world, talking "cock", seriously. the two of them ah. shld just get married la. cant even be bothered to join in to their conversations at all. but thx for having choc sundae with me! i was craving for choc ice cream. im v glad kent and tg came. their presence made the night better.

ive been using the word "thankful" v often. im v thankful that the weather's been good the past few wks when we had deals. and i know we'll have this good weather today and each time we have deals. im v thankful that everything turned out well ytd and im v thankful that i have friends who are always there when i need help. thanks char for offering your help ytd! but im so glad i didnt need your help! you know why la huh. shar too! so glad you had a great Alpha weekend! i thank God and my friends/ colleagues who make my life so wonderful. not forgetting my family who's always so tolerant of my misbehaviour. :)

ok. today is the 15th. it marks the end of this blog entry and also, supposed to go ktv with wh and dinner with aaron and nora. but nvm la huh. i need to rest and study and spend time with my family.

i thank you for your patience if you even finish reading this. shar cfm nv. but i know char will. :)

2009-11-15T02:14:00.001+08:00

hehe it was a good day! :)

i grumble often abt work and life, but its really all bcus i have sch. without sch, i think i really am qt comfortable with my current lifestyle. i do not mind working on saturdays cus i love the facs, selectively. im glad that this hasnt changed. a mth ago, i said this too.

this wk's been qt bad though. my mood fluctuated like mad and poor shar had to listen to all my grumbles/ complaints abt every single thing, on repeat mode. im really sorry! so, what colors are my new panties? hahaha!

i think i made mag upset today but nvm. i tried to make things better even though she didnt reply me. hmmm...

wah wah. its been a mth since i last updated on my daily status haha. can i just note down what i rem? dont be so amazed at my memory yet. i depend on my phone calendar. oh yah, starhub's gonna have iphone. i'll get it if my contract is expiring. but i doubt so. nvm la. my nokia's been so far so good.

20th oct, tue - we pangsehed daniel for xlb buffet for the 2nd time. aiya. i really dont wanna wait till 8.30pm for dinner lor. i wld have reached home by then. poor him. i dont mind trying la but er. its like, xlb? and i dont really like the porky smell/ taste.

21st oct, wed - hehe me and homie surprised sharon at toho with my fav four leaves' coco exotic cake and a bag of choc-flavoured snacks! toho is my office btw. haha up till today, we haven finished the snacks lor. i didnt notice if she was happy but ltr at night, she smsed me to assure me she was. its so funny how i always dont capture happy moments. the deal this morn also. it was a surprise for the client's wife but i totally didnt see her happy face. i was... i dont know. in my own little world of making sure everything is in order and forgetting that im supposed to be enjoying that moment too. ytd, me and shar passed zy his bday present. i didnt know he was thrilled to receive it. i think i was enjoying my chipolata. hahahaha.

22nd oct, thurs - my calendar says dinner with aaron. hmm... was it at thai express? and we went to the library & BK to study till 11? i think so la. dont rem. lets wait for more clues haha.

23th oct, fri - me mag char shar sent teckguan to NUS after deal and we had lunch tgt. spent the next hour shopping for snacks and random stuff at their baazar. quite a fun day i wld say. haha but we were super late for work la.

24th oct, sat - worked till 7pm and rushed down to pasir ris to meet aaron. i was super late lor. luckily he wasnt angry. the food was super yums. left the chalet at abt 10 or sth and went for prata till 3am or sth. quite crazy la. nora has nv-ending topics/ stories to say. trust me. shes an extreme version of me. but her memory is way better than mine. she doesnt repeat.

25th oct, sun - was informed at the super duper last min of my cousin's engagement buffet. no choice. had to go lor. skipped dance. sian diao.

27th oct, tue & 28th oct, wed - my calendar says study with aaron.
hahaha if i rem correctly, i think i pangsehed both times. so bad hor.

oh eh, im v tired. i slept only 3.5hrs and i worked from 730am-730pm today. can i go rest pls? my dark rings are so horribly colored in black. :(

2009-11-12T01:51:00.003+08:00

today is the most depressing day of the year. sigh. im not sure why and even if im sure, i wldnt tell you either.

my dark rings are the darkest ever and my ass is the hugest ever (maybe not) and my... i dont know? all the songs on my playlist sound sad.

omg. this weird feeling/ mood cant stop bugging me! what is it!! go away pls? i shld be slping lor!
nvm. i can do it i can do it. it all just takes time. right?

2009-11-11T10:26:00.001+08:00

:(

I know that you think of me sometimes
'Cuz all I do is think of you at night
I know it may take a little time
For you to see you are the love of my life

And I just sing
Do-do-do-do do-do-do-do-do
Do-do-do-do do-do-do-do-do
Do-do-do-do do-do-do-do-do

And I just sing
Do-do-do-do do-do-do-do-do
Do-do-do-do do-do-do-do-do
Do-do-do-do do-do-do-do-do

You walked up to my porch and you said hi
I looked into those beautiful brown eyes
All you said was "can we go inside?"
And I said "yes"
And so we did

And we just sing
Do-do-do-do do-do-do-do-do
Do-do-do-do do-do-do-do-do
Do-do-do-do do-do-do-do-do

And we just sing
Do-do-do-do do-do-do-do-do
Do-do-do-do do-do-do-do-do
Do-do-do-do do-do-do-do-do

Now we're in love

2009-11-08T20:20:00.002+08:00

sigh. so i really have gained a lot of weight huh. :(
ok. no more snacks. no more chocs. no more biscuits. no more nachos cheese bread. i eat these EVERYDAY.
lets see... do i have time for jogging? yes. now. huh. lazy.
it feels weird to be home so early. i had wanted to go macs and study when my mum commented on my size and er. i guess i shld stay home in case i get tempted by the fries. i dont like macs fries but i love potatoes. sigh. dont say le dont say le.

btw, i sent 1776 smses last mth lor. its really crazy.

hai. what shally i do. :(

2009-10-28T00:46:00.001+08:00

today, i didnt feel like talking to anyone at all. im v glad there was adeline arnd to talk to liz. i walked by myself, with the phone in my hand, as always. there were smses left unreplied but i really had no mood to reply and if im moodless, my replies wld reflect my mood and i shldnt be rude to my friends. in the end, i still messed up a conversation with a friend. i really shld stop and think sometimes before replying. actually i do. but when im not in the EQ mood, i just say whatever i feel and its really all heartfelt words. and i really shld stop thinking so much abt every single statement made by pple. smsing and msning really bring about a lot of miscommunication and i love smsing lor. the night before, a sms made me cry. thinking back, how silly i was. and thinking further back, i wish i didnt say a lot of things i had said and which started this whole shit.

in class, the phone rang. i didnt want to answer. i knew if i did, i wld be thinking abt work again. last wk, i decided not to let work take over my life so i stopped checking for mails. i tried. i think i checked about 5 times? today, i checked only twice. thats v good!

sigh. i really feel that my life is so messed up and i wish there was an eraser which can remove all the stains i made. all the words and all the actions.

ok. this post is so random cus my thoughts are messed up too. nvm. i shld learn to relax. relax pat.

oh yah i wanted to watch dvds over the weekend to destress and er. the dvd cldnt play.

2009-10-19T17:01:00.002+08:00

im glad i didnt get zee avi's album. its... alright only. i think joanna wang is better.

Is this the end?
Then why does it feel
We’d only just begun
I thought we were done

I think I’ll hang on
If you still want me
But if you don’t
I guess I’ll move on

And if you need me
Close your eyes and dream
I’ll give you back your key
But will you be happy?
Will you be happy?

Said we’ll leave it alone
But I wont be here long
And when I’m gone
I guess then we’ll know

2009-10-18T17:21:00.007+08:00

ive decided to move on and change to a new playlist!
i always listen to the same few albums/ songs for weeks or even months.
im too lazy to dl new songs & update my mp3 player. im so glad kent burned songs for me. :)
its been really really long since i last met my friends! everyone's so busy huh...

this song made me sad on my way to class this morning.

its been a while since i last posted chinese lyrics.
i used to post lots of chinese lyrics cus... i find them meaningful. i still find them meaningful la and i still can relate to them.

又来到这个港口
没有原因的拘留
我的心乘着斑剥的轻舟
寻找失落的沙洲

随时间的海浪漂流
我用力张开双手
拥抱那么多起起落落
想念的还是你望着我的眼波

我不是一定要你回来
只是当又一个人看海
回头才发现你不在
留下我迂回的徘徊
我不是一定要你回来
只是当又把回忆翻开
除了你之外的空白
还有谁能来教我爱
又回到这个尽头我也想再往前走
只是越看见海阔天空
越遗憾没有你分享我的感动

我不是一定要你回来
只是当又一个人看海
疲惫的身影不是我
不是你想看见的我
我不是一定要你回来
只是当独自走入人海
除了你之外的依赖
还有谁能教我勇敢
除了你之外的空白
还有谁能来教我爱

today is such a hot day! i feel like bathing again. i wanted to go do my nails but i decided to follow shar and her CG to tpy. why did i tag along ah? so strange.

saturday was a super sunny day. i was so thrilled work ended finally, at 730pm. 8 hours of work in the sun is no joke seriously. i dont like to work with wj. i dont know why. i cant stop rolling my eyes each time he opens his mouth. he shld grow up. haha ok la. im biased. hes actually not that bad la. during dinner, xuan smsed to ask me go watch 500 days of summer but i cldnt make it to yishun in time! what a waste. next wk lor. hehe. i love my homie. :) went f21 after dinner but there was nth to buy. hahaha i visited f21 three times the past wk! crazy right.

i went vivo on wed before dinner and i was so pleased i bought sth! but im even more pleased that i didnt buy more than two items cus i was obviously having shopping therapy and buying on impulse. yay! i have better self-control now.

but er. on thurs after work, i went vivo again and bought more things. hahahaha. aiya. once in a while only ma. :) spending money really makes me happier though. it did cheer me up. i didnt need kent.

i was freezing on thurs night even with two blankets on me. 2nd or 3rd time falling sick since i joined anergy. i think. i was rarely sick! i went for work the next day though cus i had to prep for the wkend and anyway, fri's dinner&movie was cancelled. when i got home, i slept from 8pm-2am. i guess i was really quite tired from work & school & other misc activities.

uh. aaron just smsed me abt some random shit. hes mr. super duper random. nvm. you dont wanna hear the details. shar hates him.

tues - ramen ten with junyu dan and liz. it was horrible. NEVER step into any ramen ten pls.

mon - dinner with aaron and rayson. they were mad lor. everyone had a set meal and they still ordered 6 wings and 15 meatballs. i hate meatballs.

sun - cookyn with mervyn and followed by dinner with zy. supposed to have steamboat with LLF & gang but aiya she la. so busy with making money from the tuition kids. hahaha.

sat - no work! damn shiok. so happy i didnt have to work lor. hehe. there were many events on that sat though. its lantern festival! was it? oh it wasnt. anw, there was like the sn moonlight party, the gbs-supper plan, the bbq, the funeral, the revision with mr. prick... but i attended none. i was so tired that i napped twice. i knew my period was coming and it came that night! so clever of you pat.

ok. i gotta reply smses now. i feel so lazy though. and i need to study also. bye.

2009-10-18T16:55:00.003+08:00

back to listening to marie digby again.

It's not everday
That I find a person quite like you
Perfect every way
I finally found the nerve to confess that it's you that I want
I don't care if I act a fool
I would damn near beg for you
Put aside, all my pride
So don't keep me hanging here
Cause this girl is falling stupid for you
Stupid for you

The proper thing to do
Is for me to act like a lady and wait
For you to make the first move
But I don't think you're getting the point
That it's you that I want
I don't care if I act a fool
I would damn near beg for you
Put aside, all my pride
So don't keep me waiting here
Cause this girl is falling stupid for you
Oh, oh stupid for you

Why's it always feel like I am
Chasing love when nothing's there
And here I go just making the same mistake

I've fallen stupid for you

2009-10-10T11:46:00.004+08:00

the weather is damn shiok. and youre asking me to go swimming and studying at tampines? huh. im sorry friend. i dont want to. i totally have my own things to do la. what a prick seriously.

i spent the whole night missing... oh! hehe. bitter heart is playing in the background now. i love that song. zee avi's just you and me was on repeat mode the whole of friday. i love it. im unable to dl her other songs though. so sad. maybe i shld get the cd after all. but, i spent 230 on wednesday lor. luckily i didnt visit the fortune-teller. otherwise, there really goes my fortune man.

i missed my class last sunday! i need to watch the videos later to learn the steps. i saw a bit. wah seems hard. scary. headed to nora's house for a hari raya visit and it turned out good aft all. :) even though theres this irritating person in the vicinity and its still sad to realise how distant me and lina have become but nvm. it shldnt matter to me when it doesnt matter to that person. surrogates was after the visit. unexpectedly, i thought it was ok. everyone else didnt like the show. and er. i didnt want to watch lor pls. apparently, the irritating person insisted on watching. the boys then accompanied me to ikea to get my drawers! im so happy! now my shoes are in my room! so neat. everywhere else is messy though hahaha. my salmon stuffed with chives was not nice. so sad. ikea's menu is damn limited actually. they had nth i like. i dont like meatballs also.

wah. mr prick smsed me. ok la. im sorry abt being so quick-tempered. i'll change. well, its another hour on the phone with him again.

i spent my mon & wed with char and we spent a lot of money tgt. sadly, i didnt see anything that i cld fit in. v sad hor. im really obese. to think i wanted to get up early and jog. sigh. but i was too lazy and tired. even though aaron woke me up with his sms at 9am or sth. tsk tsk. its a saturday hello. i slept at 3am!

i finally cut my hair! it cost a bomb. and i finally went crystal jade! i had major craving for xiao long baos and la mian. but in the end, we stepped into the wrong one so we had wanton mee instead. hahaha. funny people was good! i like the soundtrack. its all songs by beatles i think. and i like seth rogen and adam sandler! they are so cute. seth rogen looks kinda funny with his weight loss but yea. i love their friendship. its so swt. oh jonah hill was a retard in it. so sad. but nvm. it was a good good night. btw, me and char heart judd apatow's shows. we shall watch his every show!

for once, my last working day of the week is a friday and we went to the zoo! it was really fun! i didnt look like i enjoyed but i did la. im always like a mother-figure at the back, strolling, watching my kids have fun. i like it. :) though motherly but yea. dinner was with jinhui and zy. i like jh. hes so earnest and nice. hes been my colleague for maybe 1.5years but we nv spoke more than 5 sentences. haha and now that we spoke like 500 sentences ytd, i think we are friends! haha.

the night was kinda disturbing. nvm. anw, pat pat. dont eat when you dont feel hungry. theres a huge difference btwn hungry and greedy even though both have 6 letters. ok lame. bye.

2009-10-05T01:24:00.003+08:00

im qt glad i didnt post the entry which i drafted last night. i dont wanna read it again cus i dont wanna be reminded of how mean/ ungrateful i am to people who love me and how rebellious a person i am.

im really happy the week has finally ended cus i was really eating like mad. potato chips were my saviour. chocolates were my saviour. i was feeling so stressed on saturday that i asked teckguan to get chocs for me so that i cld feel a bit better. he bought me 2 packets and im really really thankful. :)

my legs were aching from standing for almost 10hrs at work. and when i got home, i had to say hurtful things to my mum. whatever it is. ive decided not to talk if possible. cus anyway, even if i do, nothing can be changed. in life, sometimes, we gotta shut up and accept cus you can nv get the things you want if others think you dont deserve them.

fri was ichiban with neo. hehe. i love ichiban's crispy lobster salad. thats my only reason to visit ichiban. i was so pleased neo loved it too! after ichiban, we climbed up a flight of 6-storey high stairs to mt sophia. its crazy. we had to take mini breaks in btwn hahahaha. nah. i was kidding. me and neo are how fit pls. when we finally reached the peak, ujin had to tell us the surprise for his gf was changed to loof. we wanted to kill him. we took like 30mins to climb up lor.

when we got to loof, nobody was there. we stood at one corner like idiots plus i was in tshirt and a skirt i think. damn lok kok. i didnt know we were gg to surprise van! it was a last-min thing. sigh. i wanted to pretend to be a cleaner and start cleaning the corner with my hanky but even the cleaner dressed better. what a loser right. me i mean. not the cleaner.

oh well, the night ended well after all cus the bday girl was extremely surprised! hehe. and it was quite worth the wait for neo i guess cus she loved the cake. hahahaha. what a pig.

thurs was beishan's grandma's wake. it was quite weird cus everyone was taking grp photos etc. her uncle was taking pictures non-stop with his dslr and everyone looked normal... you wldnt know it was a funeral if you didnt see the photo and the er. coffin?

wed was van's bday dinner and aston was... i thought it was normal. but i know van loves anything meaty. oh i liked the sides though. can i go eat kenny's mac & cheese soon pls? dessert was quite a spread. we had 5 cakes i think. but secret recipe has like 20 diff kinds of cakes lor. we need a few more special occasions & excuses to finish trying all the diff flavours.

mon & tue were home swt home. home isnt that swt but my bed is. i thk we were supposed to eat the apparently best-in-town ramen on mon. oh no. can we eat that soon?

2009-09-23T23:37:00.005+08:00

wah im looking at my calendar and the last time i met the girls was like, last last thurs? hmm, is that right? we had ba chor mee and icekimo. i love the waffles with milo ice cream btw.

last tues, i went pedi and painted my toes blue! yays! but its kinda greenish-blue so i wasnt v pleased. im not a fan of green. nvm cheap cheap. 7 bucks only. thanks to LLF's recommendation! haha. i finally saw her after so long lor. i kept telling liz to look at her legs hahaha.

after eyebrow plucking, we had dinner and dinner was... it was... wow. my memory is amazing. i cant rem.

but i rem what happened the next day! er nth much la haha. i went back fareast again. this time was with liz & dan and we had... oh yah. we had ayam penyet! not nice one. supposedly quite famous somemore lor. the chicken so small and pathetic. so sad. then we ate dessert. damn sucky. pls dont eat from the stall beside pontian wanton mee at the basement. yes pontian is everywhere! its crazy.

fri was supper at chomp chomp followed by desserts at tong shui. i dont like impatient pple seriously. or easily frustrated pple. hello. i was in the office all by myself till 7.30pm lor. did i flare up at my colleagues? i only complained that i was bored and that's all.

sat was supper at prata hse & amk macs. both nights i slept at like 5am and i still had to rush down to office that morn cus sth was missing from the van. zzz... luckily i finally cld get to use the car. when i got to amk, it started pouring. the rain was SUPER HEAVY and i cldnt see anything. im glad the car was not damaged. otw, it will add an additional prob to the current situation and it will continue piling up cus the management does not see a need to resolve any differences or to create a better and fairer system.

sun was the ugly truth followed by xing wang. it was 12am. i ate 4 pcs of kaya & butter toast AND pasta with black pepper chicken chop! haha crazy hor. i love their green tea with honey! nice! oh. i like the ugly truth better than the proposal! the proposal ended quite abruptly. unlike the ugly truth. gerard butler is quite cute in the show. not his face obviously. but i think its skippable. or maybe cus the first hr of the show, i was super distracted by a couple beside me. the girl was crying NON-STOP THROUGHOUT and they were typing out smses and passing each other the phone. sian right. i was so glad the guy decided to stop this nonsense and walked out. the girl followed him. pls dont quarrel then come watch movie. pls watch movie alrd then quarrel can?

mon was public hols! i went to watch aliens in the attic. it was not bad la. quite funny haha. dinner was creamy chicken! hehe. i love it. the night before, xuan was talking abt it lor. she must be feeling jealous now.

the whole weekend, i was worrying abt work. i just cant help worrying abt the weather, the facs, the this and the that. i dont purposely think abt it. it just comes naturally. and aaron said im v naggy. i am la actually. i nag at shar. i nag at aaron. i nag at... i dont know. whoever lor.

even though i may look non-chalant, i do care abt every single thing someone says about me, i think. and i guess i'll try to change and be better. but sometimes, i wonder, why am i always the one changing? what abt themselves?

yesterday was the first day of sch. the lecturers taught me before and i like them but it was still sian la. and clients had to call me in class. in the midst of trying to pay attention and thinking abt work, someone told me someone was frustrated with me. i was v frustrated lor. and all i said was, i dont care. sometimes, i really wish that when i say i dont care, i really dont. and during break, i had to msg that someone to clear up the misunderstanding. seriously. i have better things to do. other than trying to be a people-pleaser or trying to be nice and perfect.

dinner was nice. the food was nice. the company was rather stressful. nvm... people-pleaser pat.

sch was at 830 this morn. i actually went! amazing huh. i had to wake up at 7. sian lor. so boring somemore. law is seriously boring. oh shit. i forgot to order the textbook and the statutes. hai nvm. next week. afternoon was bad. i was falling aslp and daydreaming and smsing non-stop. and ytd i told shar i dont sms in class anymore. tsk tsk. retail therapy didnt make my mood better cus there was nth to buy and i hate to see crowds. maybe cus i had a heavy bag so i was feeling quite pekchek. the day just ended bad la. i dont know why. i only felt better when i got home and opened my outlook. work is good. it distracts me from thinking abt the unthinkable.

wah. this week really is moving much faster than last wk! tmr is work and its gonna be a busy day cus i gotta prep stuff for fri and weekends. i have work on fri till 8pm and i have work on sat till 6 or 7pm.

my life isnt sad. it isnt. i just need to adjust to it. poor shar m. shes been eating like air? for lunch. poor girl. tmr shall be our reunion! im sure shes gonna wear nice nice tmr to welcome me!

i miss sophie! :(

2009-09-17T17:59:00.010+08:00

many thoughts in my head. and i know, by the time i decide to sit down and blog, they will all be gone. i shall quickly blog a bit at work.

nothing much actually. its just about favouritism. i tell everyone it doesnt exist in my family and i still dont think it does. but somehow, sometimes, i dont know? but really. it doesnt matter bcus it doesnt exactly affect me a lot? er, ok la. sometimes it does.

i wish i can have better temper during "the week of the month".
ive been patient with impatient people. but im not even patient towards my family.
do my friends really think im a nice person?

i was thinking abt the reason for having no bf, and in 5 years' time, would i have a successful career and a dog? like what i always hope for. but even then, will i be happy? i guess i'll feel v alone and lonely.

this week is moving so slowly.
its so strange that i cant sleep well every night.
did i make the right choice? will i be happy working so much when i can actually rest because i dont exactly need the money? er but yahla. the more the better huh. keep for rainy days.

well, its ok. ive accepted it! since i have made the choice, there shouldnt be regrets. ive grumbled enough to shar m and shes gg to flare up again. :(

2009-09-14T01:44:00.001+08:00

im having terrible mood swings since ytd. pardon me for my bluntness and whatever. sorry.

2009-09-13T18:10:00.002+08:00

my chest of drawers is finally done! thanks to my family who helped to carry it up and assemble it. i did nth and even got to eat sausages and sotong balls after that. haha.

last night was... i dont know. mixed feelings. i did voice them out but nobody knew what i want actually so... nvm then. it was quite a bad day initially until... haha shall not say it out here. but i think shar knows why since i met her today for dance!

steamboat was a quick affair. preparation took longer lor. it was followed by ktv. aaron and bryan really love ktv... i felt bad for beishan cus she didnt want to go but the guys still... nvm la huh. she didnt have to pay anyway plus we sent her home! :)

ok. i gotta start thinking abt proper stuff. stop thinking abt... nvm... sigh. how i wish this was a fairytale or i was a fairy godmother and i can get whatever i want.

2009-09-10T00:38:00.001+08:00

i miss neo!

hmm, been feeling nauseous. think i have digestion issues. nvm. tmr shall be a better and less tiring day.

2009-09-06T18:08:00.002+08:00

knowing that my friends are happy warms my heart. :) i cant help but smile at the thought of it.
i love you shar m! let's smile and sing more.

2009-09-06T03:15:00.003+08:00

good news! i passed my exams.

bad news! im super duper hungry now! dinner was like popcorn and er prawns? many many prawns. we met a super nice uncle who taught us how to prawn and he gave us like 15 prawns? so nice hor. we were quite good as beginners actually. er i didnt prawn at all. but i paid lor. stop saying i nv contribute. i had so much to eat cus rayson and peiyuan are allergic to prawns so me aaron and beishan had everything to ourselves. peeled and ate like mad since g-force was at 9pm. hehe we managed to reach early and got ourselves a parking lot.

the movie was... so-so. but i liked it that the songs match the scenes and the actions. without the soundtrack, i wld give the movie like, 2 stars?
after the movie, we went for tea near ham's hse. i miss the guys! i hope they are doing fine.

i need to be home more. sigh. i wanna go ikea tmr. hopefully, i can get sth, like finally.

oh. pls listen to my new blog songs! shar m will love them! i made char listen to them alrd hahaha.

2009-09-05T01:37:00.002+08:00

im feeling really really tired and i wanna slp. even though work was at 11.30am today but, the aftnn was spent playing with sand in the sweltering heat. no. didnt get a tan. it would be nice though. shar m think its ugly. i like to think otherwise. i didnt tell her her pink shorts she wore today are nice. dont tell her! ltr she ya-ya.

dinner was bbq food and it was quite horrible cus i was forced (really really forced) to eat the chicken wings despite my stomach bloated with mango juice. sigh nvm. there were too many leftovers. no choice lor. plus some evil colleague whose name i dont wanna mention kept passing me the chickwings. tsk. (must ren. must ren!)

and after the bbq, daniel treated me and liz to sushi tei! he's so cute lor. he insisted on treating us cus he passed his exams! haha. good for him! initially, he was v disappointed he cldnt treat so i decided not to stay for the bbq and i asked him to order special unagi roll but in the end, i stayed for the bbq and still had to FINISH ALL THE UNAGI ROLL BY MYSELF cus he had diarrhoea. so nice hor. still treated us even though he cldnt eat much. and liz doesnt like unagi with bones so hai. i really stuffed myself to almost death tonight. and er. a bone was stuck in my teeth lor. damn irritating. finally gone. either i swallowed it or sth.

thurs was mayim (a chinese restaurant that's like din tai fung and has really not bad food!) with xuan and i love you, beth cooper. the girls are not cute or pretty and the boy looks older than my dad. sorry that i use the word ugly often cus i have limited vocab - ugly and stupid are my two fav words. oh there's also retarded irritating and yea. i mean, etc. ok whatever. you can dont watch beth cooper. no loss at all.

wed was mos burger with elaine and serena! i shld control my diet seriously. my butt is really super huge. i eat lots of mayo. today at sushi tei, i asked for mayo refill thrice. and mos burger, i had two to myself. hai. :(

tues was family day at JB! spent S$120 there lor. must really save money. i spent like $2000 in 3 months. on what sia. i dont even shop much. hai. still got the late fines. scared the discrepancies will sum up to $150... :(

mon was... omg i took 10mins to recall whats up on mon. i met charneo for dinner at iluma and movie! year one is better than beth cooper but worse than i love you man. i think so la. oh but the proposal is the best!

hey charneo! xuan told me chang the korean restaurant is v nice! hahaha we shld have tried it lor! soon soon! im gg to slp. love you girls. gdnight. :)

2009-09-02T00:17:00.000+08:00

oh no. im so irritated now.

2009-09-01T23:18:00.003+08:00

haha i think im hopeless. im deleting sent smses to char and the first two i saw are really lame maxxx.

the first was sth like, how come cinderella neo thinks i wanna buy crocs?? i think she not only lost her glass slipper, but she also lost her mind.

hahaha wth right. oh we used to call her cinderella cus she had curfew. she gotta be home by 12.

the second was, her crush alvinder rajaratnam is no longer with her? ltr go mustafa find a new one lor. but maybe cannot study with her la. can only build flats.

hahahah this is qt funny hor! she used to "study" with some indian friend whose name we do not know of or we dont rem cus its too long and complicated.

2009-08-24T01:25:00.003+08:00

had subway with my used-to-be-all-time-fav kent. haha he showed me the history of our smses. htc is amazingly mad. it lumps tgt all the smses sent to him from me. qt cool huh. anw, its all abt present money & meet-ups. seems like our friendship is built solely on official business. he really thinks i hate him. i dont hate him. i just dont like him. hahaha kidding la kent. i still love you. even though youre tgt with your ex again. i scolded him lor. its damn retarded. its like some vicious cycle seriously. break and emo and patch and break and emo and patch. i told him i think they'll get married and divorce and get married and divorce.

mag said before that me and kent are v compatible. shar said me and tg are v close. im happy and glad to tell them, thats bcus, we have been friends for so long and its really the chemistry! i hope it doesnt disappear. :) they have been qt stressed with projs and all recently. we cant even meet up to celebrate tg's bday! but its ok. i know we will all still be friends though everyone's so busy. right? we met winson today and i think he misses us! haha im so glad we are worth catching up with. he promised us he will attend our next chalet, if we even have one.

kent kept scaring me abt sth. but im glad its all cleared and over. im gg to slap him when i meet him on tues. eh! i wanna watch orphan!

i still haven met up with LLF and adeline and aaron! i wonder if aaron is free though. his dad is sick in the hospital? but this wk, im fully booked all the way until sun. lets hope its all cheap cheap dinners. shar m! more beehoon WITHOUT TISSUE PAPER PLS!

2009-08-23T03:59:00.001+08:00

hi! im home!

unexpectedly, it was a fun night! :)

*nobody looks nice here but its the only photo that contains all of our faces hahahaa. the rest were failed shots.

2009-08-21T00:21:00.004+08:00

im quite tired. i rem i wanted to blog very badly ytd morning but i cldnt cus i had work. i cant be blogging at work, can i? so i decided to talk to shar m instead.

many thoughts ran through my mind and i was really unhappy. guess who i smsed? i smsed wen. haha so weird right. we haven been talking for at least a year.

its been a tiring week. today, i dressed like a maid and acted like a maid. i cleaned the guns and vacuumed the gun boxes and bleached a few handtowels.

but being a maid isnt helping in my sales report. sales were bad last mth. shar m is so busy lor. so good. i have nth to do. so im thinking of taking up chachacha. hahaha no la. i'll see how first. my weekends are precious. im busy at work la. sometimes. but, i wanna achieve a much much higher level. how? can we be creative? hahahaha.

last weekend, i spent at least 24hrs fixing my msn. i cant login to msn using windows live. its damn shitty. i can only login using the default windows msn. so ugly. i slept at 5am on sun and i spent the whole sun night watching eric remote-controlling my pc. super waste time lor. but i really hate things unfixed. give me a while. once i accept it, i can totally ignore the issue. which i think ive achieved it. haha yays! i dont even msn much anyway.

bbq on sat was a bit rushed. i was the latest to arrive and i left the earliest. the night felt super young so i decided to come online and in the end, i wasted my whole night on msn. fixing msn. not chatting. the night before, i was at the exact same place bbq-ing. haha so crazy la. i totally shld stay over. but dont really know liz's rover friends. her sec sch friends were nice though. i dont mind hanging out with them. maybe when sch starts! they are in my sch too!

kerenza's bday! she's v cute!

oh yah. fri evening was horrible. i waited for daniel for 1.5hrs and i didnt know if he was even coming cus his phone was off and he didnt reply all my smses. i didnt know where to meet him and i really felt like gg home. i even dozed off at the bus stop. so pathetic lor. i screamed at him when i finally met up with him. everyone at ION turned and looked. but i didnt care la. neo was v nice to call me though. thanks charwinners! idiot daniel had to do OT and his phone low batt. luckily it was low and not dead. otw, omg lor seriously.

thurs was crystal jade with the sn girls. the bday cake was the awesomest thing of the night. the group was kinda weird. nvm shall not say. in case she reads my blog. but er. i really dont have much to say to her. it was kw's bday btw. and btw again, the cake was really... woah.

wed was... oh yah. wed was "the hangover" with char mag and shar m! it was a v fun night actually. we had our own hangover after the movie hahaha. dinner was good and mag was so funny! the movie was ok la. beginning a bit boring, middle not bad but ending was good. char! we shld always watch crappy movies tgt haha. wow. char just msned me! so qiao.

i almost forgot abt the meetup. it seems like it happened v long ago. whats up with this wk. its crawling.

last tues was stracy's bday celebration! hmm, i rem i had super strong craving for bbt and... stracy was happy? hahaha.

the tues that just passed, we OTed till almost 7.30pm lor. but lunch was good la. we had ichiban! and KOI! koi is amazing. its not the normal bbt. its awesome.

its so funny how we promise ourselves to save money and yet we buy bbt every single day and even splurged on our lunch. $30 was what we spent on ichiban. bbt was $4. and we bought coronet home cus we were greedy. im glad this wk i haven taken cab at all. poor shar m. but last wk i took 4 times. :(

ok! i shall go slp. this whole post is so random. my ass is getting huge-er each day. i look more and more like an elephant. maybe hippo. i dont know. bbt is super fattening actually. i shld totally stop buying it. no! WE shld totally boycott bbt!

2009-08-15T12:55:00.002+08:00

for the maybe, first time in my life, i felt like saying out loud, you are f-ing irritating.

but after doing some thinking, its true that i've lost count of the no. of times i cab to work.
and i cant cook i cant wash my clothes and i cant whatever. but i seriously think its easy. im just too lazy.
i wanna work 7 days a week. but i wanna come home aft work cus watching tv and doing things you wanna do and not doing things you dont wanna do are not correct on a wkend.
its the wrong behaviour for a girl who will become someone's wife in the near future. like i will be lor. but i'm pretty sure, if circumstances require me to cook and clean the house, i definitely will. and why i cannot be bothered now is bcus i have pple doing it. hai whatever. its been a tiring wk for me and i just cant wait for the new wk to come. no more cabs and bubble tea. more beehoon and chicken wing.

2009-08-02T14:29:00.003+08:00

the mtv of Coldplay - Life In Technicolor II is so cute!

2009-07-31T22:56:00.002+08:00

i can choose not to care and be selfish. i can choose to say whatever i want to and not care abt how you feel.

but i need to stop. i need to stop grumbling abt my colleague to my colleagues and influencing them. i need to keep the disgust i feel in me and lower my standards and be a less anal person. i need to accept and be calm and try and see the world in a more beautiful picture.

in concludes, i need to zip. concludes sounds better than conclusion. dont you think? try reading it out.

i can afford to lose a few more friends and its fine with me. but if we can choose otherwise, why not? maybe cus i cant be bothered to try. im so weird huh. and when i lose them, or when i dont see/hear from them, i blog abt how lonely i am. maybe i shld stop blogging.

btw, i dont like to hang out with pple whom i thk do not like me. sounds ego hor. but, so?

sometimes, im flooded with work that i cant be bothered with the outside world. its so noisy out there anyway. i rather be alone. i just want to go home after work and rest and relax. i dont like alien hair and cats and dandruff and urine and pple shaking my hair. i dont like my work place to be infested with... i dont know? and polluted. its stressful. omg. i just realised a clean and relaxed working environment is so important. sigh.

all my friends shld rem i stopped befriending this guy who urinated on the toilet seat. its damn disgusting. seriously. i think its v dirty and inconsiderate.

ok im sorry. i shall stop and think abt how beautiful the world is.

im not v clean but it doesnt mean i cant feel uncomfortable. ytd, in the train, a china man sneezed and sth cold fell onto my foot. i tell you, i almost cried.

nvm. on a lighter note, yappy surprised me today! hehe he's so so sweet! im glad things are ok now. homie and me shared long hse prawn mee today and i brought her to eat the apple crumble at dino which is a super rare item! its qt exp though.

tmr got work again. i cant wait for next week to be over. hai. my results are coming out soon. sept i thk. patrick good lor. gg korea... shiok hor. i also wanna go. but i need to settle my sch fees first.

2009-07-31T14:12:00.001+08:00

I saw a spider I didn't scream.
Cuz I can belch the alphabet just double dog dare me.
And I chose guitar over ballet.
And I take these suckers down cuz they just get in my way.
The way you look at me is kinda like a little sister.
Rubbed by your goodbyes.
And it leaves me nothing but blisters.

So I don't want to be one of the boys.
One of your guys.
Just give me a chance to prove to you im neither.
I just wanna be one of the girls.
Pretty in pearls.
Not one of the boys.

So over summer something changed.
I started reading 17 and shaving my legs.
And I study the litter religously.
And I walked right in school and caught you staring over me.
Cuz i know what you know.
But now your gonna have to take a number.
Its ok.
Maybe one day.
But not until i get my diamond ring.

Cuz I don't want to be one of the boys.
One of your guys.
Just give me a chance to prove to you im neither.
I just wanna be a homecoming queen
Not one of the boys.

I wanna be a flower not a dirty weed.
And I wanna smell like roses not a baseball team.
And I swear maybe one day.
Your gonnna wanna make out make out make out with me

(Don't wanna be)
Don't want to be
(Don't wanna be)
Don't want to be
(Don't wanna be)

Cuz I, I don't wanna be one
one
one of the boys.
I just wanna be one of the girs.
So pretty in pearls.
Not one of the boys.

2009-07-30T00:54:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wish it was a BMW. and i might be somewhere in europe now.

2009-07-29T01:08:00.003+08:00

i miss you. :(

i wanna go for camps. seems fun!

i also wanna go travelling... so good. i wanna see and REMEMBER what i see.

dinner was ok lor. cheap! but things arent the same anymore. i need to adapt.

aiyo i need to go on a diet. i eat rice twice a day lor. tsk tsk.

ok gdnight!

2009-07-26T20:59:00.001+08:00

i really think Kim Hyun Joong is damn cute!

2009-07-26T17:28:00.001+08:00

it was a happy night.

with my banana, char!

and my van, who broke down the other day (hahaha!)

and the birthday girl, CHARWINNERS!

love my girls! :)

im sure van and kangs didnt expect ktv to be so fun! hehe. i wish we had more time though. its ok! there shall be one more time!

i cant wait to buy dvds and watch tgt with charneo! char actually. neo and me arent dvd-buddies to begin with. hahaha.

ytd was a tiring day. i had to wake up early on a sat morn for work. i cabbed lor. cus i was late. went to meet stracy and her new bf at amk a while. work was... work was ok la. i like working with fiz. ter ng was v quiet. i heard hes been mugging for exams. so maybe hes feeling pretty stressed? i also heard he wanna do well. hahaha so strange hor. how come i dont talk to him. everything was heard from pple. there was kent too. but i was still pissed with him since the chalet day, so i refused to talk to him hahahaha. yays! but i cant wait to meet up with my poly friends!

after work, i cabbed to ikea to meet my fam. sian lor. my drawers are all OOS. what the hell right. waste my time. then we went to JP for dinner and shopping. its damn huge. we almost cldnt find our car. its the size of 2 marina sq i swear. zhen de hen da! but its only 4-storey high i think.

fri was spent with the Sharons! we went tampines1 for sushi tei but we ordered too much lor. greedy shar m. all her fault. tricked me into ordering a don. i can never finish a don ma. i hate her. cheat my money. nvm. we shall have budget lunches everyday next wk!

wed was dinner and shopping! me and charneo each bought a pair of Rubi shoes. and... i dont think i bought anything else. but we visited Ion. you have to ma. even Kobe Bryant visited lor. how can we lose out to a foreigner!

oh and i love frolick now. homie treated me to frolick! hehe. thank you! :)

2009-07-24T01:53:00.001+08:00

i like attention and i need attention. it makes me feel appreciated and acknowledged. :)
the attention is care and concern, not whatever you're thinking of.

2009-07-19T02:04:00.003+08:00

i always know, if time cld be turned back, i wld still be the same and i wld still do the same. but, i didnt expect myself to be actually doing it again, now. its qt sad huh. bad character. so, i deserve it la. and i shld stop acting and talking like im always right.

-

when can i walk past blk 334 with a smile?

2009-07-19T01:20:00.001+08:00

the night was great! but not enough. it cld have been better without the headache and mahjong.
but yay! cant wait to meet up again. lost only a dollar of mj haha good good. ive spent way too much this wk on late fines, cabs, dinners, shopping and junk food. sigh need to spend lesser man. one more mth to start of sch. sigh. results coming out. HAI.

i had wanted to help bbq but er. mj lacked of 1 player so i had to play. didnt feel like cus i dont know? dont really like mj as much as before. it gets v sian after an hr. i wanna hang arnd and eat! i didnt eat much lor. so sad.

thurs was surprisingly quite a good night. i met up with the girls for manhattan and i realised i dont really like fish. esp fish & chips. i love chicken. im always always eating chicken. maybe thats why im not as clever as fish-lovers like, neo. i dont like dory fish especially. COOKED salmon is ok. raw is eee.

fri was dinner with my fam. finally saw them after a week of... i dont know? social activities? we went to check out shelves and our dinner was so cheap and good! got free flow of popcorn lor. i shall bring my friends there one day. :)

wed was... i think... oh yah. supper! was it? i slacked arnd town by myself for almost 3hrs before meeting up for icekimo. went to do pedicure and pluck eyebrows at fareast. didnt have the mood to shop. good. otherwise, god knows how much i wld spend again on dresses that i dont wear often. i wanna get a grey dress at cotton-on. its me and shar's fav color! haha. after icekimo, i ate ba chor mee. it was awesome. but sinful. i ate bcm at 12am. horrible lor. nobody attempted to stop me. i have evil and skinny friends. :( they didnt even order anything. they sat down and watched me eat. so bad hor.

i forgot what i did on mon & tue. im lazy to go check my phone calendar so im gg off. bye! aiya i think i did nth lor. i only rem last sun, me and zhen went shopping! i spent 200plus on a few stuff. and i cant wear this black top that i bought. omg la. waste money. i shall give my mum.

2009-07-16T01:59:00.001+08:00

ive been feeling... i dont know. i attributed everything to pms but now, its post-pms and yet, i still feel the same.

i guess i really need some time to get used to things. my friends are all busy dating, working and studying and nobody has time for me. and soon, the girls who have just graduated will start work. i really feel v lonely but i dont know what i shld do.

today, i walked arnd in town for almost 3hrs before meeting the girls. i thought of ham. i thought of char. but they are both so far away. sometimes, i wish i can smoke like neo or go to church and be happier.

ive never really fought for anything in my life. maybe only once and it was the worst battle ever. i'll never let that happen again. rather than to fight for sth that you want, why not just give it up? it isnt easy for me either. it also felt like another heartbreak. but i rather be seen as selfish than letting myself get hurt and disappointed again and again due to my own expectations.

i wish i can give up being the coordinator. i wish i can give up all these. but i just cant do it. i feel bad. maybe i shld try. cus i know, no matter what happens, my family will always be there for me.

maybe, maybe nobody wanna stay tgt at all. but ive been forcing everyone to. im sorry.

im v tired. i shld not cry anymore.
read newspapers.
do some exercise.
eat healthier.
use facial masks.

you see, so many other stuff i need to do and im sure i have a lot of good things to fight for.
sigh. i need to focus more on the impt stuff in my life.

2009-07-13T00:30:00.001+08:00

Linkin Park's "New Divide" is everywhere. every channel on cable is showing the mtv. its crazy.

21 guns is nice!

-

gotta get a life.

2009-07-11T21:16:00.003+08:00

so ironic. after i blogged abt my healthy slping hrs, i cldnt slp. slept at 4 and woke up at 7. sigh. been making lots of mistks at work and i had to pour out my sorrows to shar m and homie. i gotta be more meticulous and smarter. :(

transformers was gd. megan fox has a really hot figure but her lips are kinda thick and her appearances are qt out of pt sometimes. esp the ending. more emo scenes of bee pls.

ok im qt tired. had work. ate so much today. me and flips ordered 2 pizzas for lunch and our dinner was curry rice! i need to lose wt!

gg to bathe now. bye!

-

i want a bf with a cute dog.

2009-07-09T23:59:00.003+08:00

i've been slping before 10 everyday and it's good. i wake up on time and haven been late for work. last mth, i spent 60 on cab fare. this mth, ive alrd paid 15 for late fines. keep it up pat! improvement!

last night, i dreamt a lot. i even dreamt of Dennis. it's so weird.

anyway, ice age 3 was awesome. much much better than ice age 2. xuan even cried lor damn cute. our dinner was great. zhen! must go there eat. cheap cheap! need student card. you have? haha.

ok. it's way past my slping time. gdnight!

-

i wanna live in a pretty house...

2009-07-07T15:19:00.002+08:00

Regina Spektor's new album, "Far", is very nice.
i like "Folding Chair" & "The Calculation". haha so cute hor the titles.

Mika has a new album too but its ok only lor. maybe i shld listen to it more then i'll like it better.

2009-07-05T22:32:00.001+08:00

seeing this photo makes me smile and im determined to be a better friend. :)

everyone is smiling so genuinely!

2009-07-05T20:18:00.000+08:00

yay yay! my mood is so much better now. maybe cus i took a nap. :)

2009-07-05T16:54:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA! :)

his bday is on tues but since he'll be out of town tmr, we celebrated in advance! me and patrick bought him a pair of timberland shoes which he loves a lot and a polo-t. thanks for buying!

2009-07-05T15:22:00.001+08:00

wow. i didnt know this song has so many versions. each paragraph is one version. the song is good. its so optimistic! :)

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
You could surf inside a chocolate tube
Ride your board across the wave forever
Get wiped out and never get a bruise
And if a shark came up and tried to bite you
You could say 'I'm chocolate - I invite you'
Wouldn't it be nice?

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
Chocolate roads and trees and birds and bees
Delivering all kinds of letters daily,
Every kind of purple parcel too.
And if the dog did try and grab a mouthful,
You could bite him back he'd taste delightful!
Wouldn't it be nice?

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
You could be a soccer super star.
The referee would blow his chocolate whistle,
A shot a goal would even break the bar.
And if you scored the winner
You could have the cup for your dinner.
Wouldn't it be nice?

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
Riding in the car would be a tasty treat.
Changing gears would soon become a problem
Cadbury dairy milk is so good to eat
When you arrive at your destination,
You'll be greeted with an exclamation!
Wouldn't it be nice?

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
You could play inside a chocolate maze.
Run around and round to reach the middle
What a big surprise for you awaits.
If you couldn't find your way to freedom,
No need to run, just face the walls and eat 'em!
Wouldn't it be nice?

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
Going to the pics would so sweet
There'd be no need for munchies
Cadbury dairy milk is the perfect treat
If someone came and blocked your screen view
Just take a bite and make a hole to see through
Wouldn't it be nice?

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
You could eat your way through outerspace
Discovering new life on stars and planets
A triumph for the Cadbury human race
If you're gonna conquer alien ground
Just make sure you've got enough to go round
Wouldn't it be nice?

2009-07-05T15:17:00.001+08:00

hahaha grabbed this from LLF's blog. haha some are quite true.

NICKNAMES
? If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
? If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
? When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
? When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
? A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
? A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
? A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel ..
? The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
? A woman has the last word in any argument.
? Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
? A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
? A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
? A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
? A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
? A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
? A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
? A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
? A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
? Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
? Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
? Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
? A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

my dad is bbqing satay, i think. i dont wanna eat. my throat is so dry.

2009-07-05T14:38:00.007+08:00

hi,

it was supposed to be a happy day yesterday but i dont know. i was a little unhappy. not with anyone else but myself.

i guess i need to be the old me to meet my own expectations of myself.
this year, i decided to heck care and just do and say whatever i wanna do and say. but now, i think it isnt right.
i need to be a friend-pleaser.
i need to portray a positive image every min im with my friends.
i need to be less sarcastic and be more careful with my words.
i need to learn to care more and have better EQ.
cus, whenever someone hurts me with his/her words, i've never realised, i've hurt him/her a billion times before with my curtness. this is a valid reason why i shldnt be upset at all bcus its just bad karma.

well, whatever it is. i shld feel happy that everything was almost a success. except the fact that, kent commented there wasnt enough satay and... i dont know? the chicken and stingray sucked and my photos were badly taken and not many either. i hope teckguan is able to send me his.

expectations and expectations. everything just leads to disappointment and unhappiness.
maybe i shld learn to let go... and be contented with whatever.
i need to be less calculative. was i like this before? i dont know. maybe.

on fri, patrick helped to get most of the bbq food and it lightened my workload a lot. i almost died carrying the chicken etc from amk hub home the same evening. dinner was breadtalk's garlic bread plus ba chor mee and its supposedly qt famous but it wasnt nice. the garlic bread was weird too cus they changed to a bigger bread. its more worth it but it isnt as nice anymore.

work was quite busy on fri. me and shar m didnt talk as much as usual and we were just making non-stop phonecalls to carton boxes suppliers. when we finally found one, we drove to jurong. we had to load the carton boxes onto the van and pack the logistics etc for the weekend, in btwn handling queries etc. but ok la. busy is good. i like.

sat morn was spent preparing and waiting. i think its v weird that i kept refusing help. but thats me i think. on one hand, i dont want to be blamed for doing a bad preparation. on the other, i dont want to trouble the rest. its just... urgh. in the end, as usual, i decided to take the latter option.

which reminds me, i was quite sian on fri cus both teckg and kent were sick and i dont know? teckg's case is understandable la. kent is just, i dont know? like, you dont take care of yourself and you fall sick and its just v spoiler lor seriously. its not exactly his fault but with the poor attendance, i cldnt help feeling sian. plus he was late for almost 1.5hrs. told him to rest and not go out he still went JB for supper. hai. nvm. i comforted myself its also to pump cheaper petrol to save costs when ferrying us. when teckg thought we were lazy to go down and buy ice, i really almost cried lor. not upset-cry but i dont know? like sometimes, you do all the shit and you still get more shit. as usual, i felt better after voicing out. i didnt want to say anything to anyone but i was really quite upset so i really had to say it out. i know. im not a v nice person not a v nice friend and im lazy and fat but i tried to be better. i guess im so naggy now and so irritable now cus im entering my menopause. er. obviously not. i guess i expected everyone to do things up to my own expectations also? which isnt good. and i nag bcus i care. i dont like, nag at adrian? i just dont really care. i did la i guess. but after a while of nagging, i just decided to give up. its your life. you choose how to live it. same goes for kent. its his life. he chooses what to do with it. i nag at him each time he smokes. but er. nvm whatever. i also dont wanna care anymore. as if my own life is doing great.

i need to smile more and be more friendly twds NEW people i meet.
i need to take in feedback and change for the better. (one day, teckg told me to stop saying certain things to certain pple abt certain stuff, and i tried to. but i also need to take in more impt feedback, like, how come they contemplated sacking me?)
i need to stop talking as much and be quiet. listening skills are v impt also. i suck at listening. i need to learn to listen and shut my mouth and stop being an irritating asshole.

nvm. enough of heavy stuff, on a lighter note, we played quite a few games at the chalet. bingo (with money!), saboteur (most of the time), im the boss, citadells, uglydoll & settlers... er thats all? the majority played frisbee too. i think they enjoyed. good for them. kent also played jenga with his friend michelle and erm yp. i feel bad rgd mich. but really. i cant socialise well. i wish i can make an effort to. i guess i just didnt bother. and she left cus we were playing im the boss non-stop and... sigh. nvm.

okok conclusion conclusion. enough of nv-ending nonsense!

resolutions:
to be nicer to yp!
to be nicer to teckg
to be much nicer to gw and make a better effort to improve the friendship
to be normal with kent? nth much to change. maybe dont talk to him as much. i cant help nagging at him for smoking and for not sleeping enough. teckg also. always overloads himself. he looked SUPER pale lor and we all wanted to hold his arm as he walked.
to forgive and forget. i will la. definitely. my memory is how cui.
to be more patient (actually, im not bad alrd. i feel. depends lor. maybe.)
to be nicer to my mum.
to make a philip a better boy. hes kinda... selfish and i dont know. but seriously, me and patrick really cannot tahan his weird behaviour sometimes. i had to shout at him last night cus he really irritated the hell out of me. patrick understood totally how i felt. glad he enjoyed la. i think so.

im super fat. ive been eating A LOT A LOT OF POTATOES (CARBO!). btw, our potatoes were super yums and our chicken also. omg. but i dont think we'll be bbqing again.

sorry for this entry. i think im just having PMS.

2009-07-03T00:34:00.002+08:00

oh no i wonder if neo knows the way home. i was dead tired from work today. but i looked fwd to meeting neo. haha dont know why. so i came home to bathe and ate and rushed to meet sue van and neo for sushi tei. it was a great night. i need to get a life. i need to have more good friends to hang out with, feeling happy and confortable no matter what we do or say tgt.

work was really crazy but fun on wed. the gist is: van broke down and we had to get help to push and jump start van haha. v fun indeed! i'll be so sad and lonely next wk w/o shar m. :( she'll be gg to climb a mountain. be safe!

im v tired. i actually have a lot to say... but nvm. i wont say it. ive been qt grumpy these days. dont believe a word i say abt pple and things. nights!

2009-06-30T01:10:00.000+08:00

Oh, it's not fair and it's really not okay
It's really not okay, it's really not okay
Oh, you're supposed to care
But all you do is take, yeah, all you do is take

2009-06-30T00:51:00.006+08:00

im very tired.

today was quite fun. my insane colleague and me talked non-stop abt absolute rubbish the whole day. i think my intelligence is negative. :(

after work, it was LONG JOHN SILVER!!! i cant believe i finally ate it. they have a new item - cheese fries. the cheese was damn good! movie was alright lor. i like Jason Segel la. he was in knockedup and superbad haha. but er. i guess the script had too many scenes with no dialogue or lame conversations which are really really lame (worse than sharon m). totally not funny at all. poor sharon m fell aslp. i didnt wake her up cus i wanted her to waste money. hehe. so bad hor. but she brought this upon herself. dont tell her ah. whoever is reading this.

when you go to bugis, what shld you eat for supper? AH CHEW! as usual, homie ordered avocado and me had mango sago. we are qt loyal huh.

i forgot to mention that my family was v swt on my bday. they each texted me a bday msg and my mum even called to wish me. :) haha lionel too. damn sincere la. supposed to meet this wk for dinner but i really wanna be home more. haven seen patrick in a wk and missed fam dinner too.

secrets and gossips tighten bonds btwn pple. theres the trust too. im qt contented with my life and i only wish for my exams to pass thats all... sigh. oh i wanna do better at work too.

ok gtg. talking crap with my monster friend is making me stupid. she even stole my bf. hate her.

p.s. i dont hope that things will be the same bcus you have taken a different path. (haha i'll nv need twitter.)

2009-06-28T23:51:00.003+08:00

wow.

so lazy to blog. sigh. my colleague just told me sth really negative abt work. hai. ttg is unhappy too. homie too. but seriously, i cant do anything to make things better and not to mention, to please everyone. i know they dont expect me to. but if i can, i will. really.

today, i attended siti's engagement and initially, it was qt sian. didnt really talk to anyone cus aft all, i haven seen them for so long and there's little to say since they hang out everyday and they know things i dont know of. this, im getting used to it. i can never stop not smiling i guess. sigh. when i first got onto aloy's car, i was really shocked. i had a v v v strong feeling he's attached to lina. its really weird cus... i dont know? they are like 12 yrs apart or sth. obviously, she's older. but anw, things arent cfmed. but im v sure they are tgt. or maybe soon will be.

i didnt want to be a lightbulb though i wanted to go home cus lina stays a few blks away from me, i went out with clara and karine instead. it turned out to quite a good day. we had sakae (my 3rd jap meal for the week) and then clara told us many interesting stories abt the dept hahaha. went on to the library aft that where clara borrowed 8 books. she loves reading a lot and she reads damn fast. i wanna be like her. she cooks and bakes well too and she's cute and nice. haha. most imptly, her bro is damn goodlooking wahahah! but younger than us la.

oh yah. she also told me that lisa mentions me qt a bit at work and told them to learn from me. surprisingly, lisa also said she has learnt some stuff from me too. wow. shes my snr exec lor. felt qt pleased to know that. lisa was so nice this aftnn. she said she wished she had persuaded me to stay on and i wld have been promoted. i think its really swt of her. to actually think so highly of me and im like, one of her regrets in her life?? seriously, i didnt know im this good. if my future will be like this... it'll be wonderful. im really happy that ive left positive memories and impression...

saturday was a happy day. hehe i love my girlfriends! i feel so happy seeing them each time. for once, me xuan and zhen finally finally went out tgt for one whole day! its damn rare la. the last time it happened, i think it was during poly? or maybe nearing cny, me and zhen wld go shop for cny clothes. we spent ktving at noon, followed by a successful bday surprise for shan! planned by me! hahaha. k la. planned by everyone la. thanks to everyone's cooperation! :) aft the mini-celebration, we went town to get my agnes b and more shopping! didnt shop much actually. we all bought a pair of shoes each. damn comfortable. its only 15 bucks. super cheap la! other than the shoes, its just food food and more food. we kept eating lor. zhen la! eat eat eat! we spent almost 2hrs at ichiban i think. i love ichiban. but me and xuan almost died. we ate a lot! we cld hardly walk. crazy zhen still complained that she wasnt full. so we walked to starbucks and wanted to get mocha. however, once i taught them saboteur, we forgot abt our mocha hahaha. aft a few rounds of sabo-ing, we went down the cathay basement for supper! woohoo! we ordered a new york pizza and cheese fries. the cheese fries were fantastic. and v cheap. 2.90 only! we cldnt even finish. cheap right. hehe. happy day. the whole day, we talked NON-STOP. hahaha i dont know how come we have so much to say, seriously. i love you girls! :)

fri was... oh yah. fri was hokkaido fair with neo and dinner at cream bistro. haha its van's fav place! yay! shes coming back tmr! there was a gay couple beside us and they didnt exchange a single word. so bizzare. but i saw them laugh. hahahaha at kw. kw is seriously super funny la. she's EXTREMELY BIZZARE. she kept asking the waiter how long wld the food take to come. er. and he was just taking our orders only lor. and amazingly, the waiter said 5 mins. we were like, omg. is he mad or what. 4 dishes in 5 mins??? and you know what. the food really came in 5 mins' time. mad right. the waiter is so funny lor hahahahaha. went char's hse aft dinner to pick up her luggages and boardgames! i borrowed 3 games from her for our chalet. hopefully, they'll be put to good use. since there was still time, we played guess what? yes. saboteur. hahaha. it has completely taken over all my friends lives lor. madness right. finally set off for the airport and yea. bon voyage char. happy travelling arnd europe!

thurs was a surprise dinner organised by homie! hahahaha i was really surprised cus everyone told me abt the surprise before the dinner. merv msged me and said he'll join us at 10. char told me yappy and yougang were coming. and mag thought i didnt know anything. hahaha. and in the end, i was quite surprised cus yougang came! and yappy didnt. dinner was super yummy fish soup and followed by starbucks and yes. saboteur hahahaha.

wed was home swt home! my mum was so surprised to see me home at 8. she expected me to be out everyday during my bday week. i went adrian's hse a while and bused home. was super tired and wanted to slp but philip tempted me to eat curry rice so i ate one whole pkt and i went to bed str. so fat hor. which reminds me, im supposed to lose weight. pple have been asking me abt bf bf bf and kent kent kent. seriously, i dont think i like kent la. isnt it good to remain good friends? plus i dont like to dream and wish for the impossibles.

im so sorry. surprised seems to be my fav word. hahahaha. but bday = surprises ma. :)

tues was my bday! every yr, i meet the same bunch of them for dinner. we dont always meet on the actual day but yea. i really really really appreciate their presence in my life. :)

look at me. how happy i was! if only kent sat opp me. the night wld be perfect!

happy us! :)

the events on mon and tues made me feel really really blessed. my colleagues are extremely sweet. i dont really wanna elaborate. ask me when we meet! we shall and we must!

omg. i told my mum im coming home for dinner tmr but er. homie just reminded me that we are meeting. hahaha. blur me. luckily i managed to pack my room today.

ok. before i go, photos from genting for you. of my two crazy gay brothers.

actually, im in quite a sad mood now. sigh. dont worry. work is good for me. i have wonderful colleagues and i appreciate the relaxed working environment though i prefer to be busier. oh yah. i was qt unhappy on thurs/fri with a statement made which i thought was really unfair towards me. but its over. kent told me he thinks he's nice. there are times when i can say im a nice/good person but right now, i cant.

i wanted to watch my korean meteor garden to cheer myself up. but the time now is 12.50. i shld slp soon. gotta reply the msn msges first... sigh. gdnight...

2009-06-26T01:46:00.002+08:00

why do ppl always mk it seem like its my fault... i really cant be bothered seriously. isnt it good to live carefree? sigh i shall slp. typing with iphone is horrible...

2009-06-24T01:42:00.000+08:00

i felt a little upset tonight. abt sth really really really silly. sigh.

2009-06-23T01:17:00.003+08:00

hahahaha everyone's so funny on msn tonight. it managed to cure my headache!
maybe cus im rarely chatting with my friends. or maybe cus its my bday! it doesnt feel exciting like the past yrs. where we wait for surprises etc. it feels normal. like any other day. i used to get quite a bit of smses each yr. 20? and hey. i dont have a lot of friends.

today was not bad. it was a too-shocked-for-words day. LLF shld know why. shh dont say. its a secret.

LLF was so cute. hahaha she actually called me and sang me a happy bday song! she's like a kid la she! she even set alarm lor hahahaha damn cute. chyork ham sharon mag kw teckguan are super cute too. i love my friends. today. only. hahaha no la. ham is extremely funny. he wants me to wear a mask tmr. imagine me appearing with mask in all my bday dinner photos? wth right. and he wants me to sit two tables away. er. isnt it my bday celebration? and im supposed to eat nth cus i have a mask on.

whatever it is. happy bday to myself.
i wanna be better at my studies.
i wanna be a better worker.
i wanna rem good and impt things better.
i wanna be skinny.
i want more deals to come in!!!

all the abv need require hard work. omg. sian.

2009-06-21T23:58:00.002+08:00

im back!

finally finished reading all my work emails. haven visited fbk nor my personal email inbox for at least 3 weeks.

genting trip was not bad. i wanna go again! wait till i shed 5kg first. i wanna get many many dresses i saw there! but im too fat. we ate like 6 meals a day lor. sigh.

ok! i gtg now. i need to bathe and slp. so tired... shall end off the post with the one and only family photo we took there. :)

2009-06-17T01:10:00.005+08:00

today was quite a happy day. i mean, other than work. work was... boring. and hot. and tiring. and boring. the three of us played daidee and saboteur while waiting for the clients hahaha. as usual, i suck at games. i drank coffee bean's new banana choc and it tasted like... banana. i expected real bananas but it was just essence. well...

why was i happy? haha. dont know leh. i just felt liberated.
hahahaha mag was like, wtf pat. you can handle breakups anytime man. or sth like that.
it was a really long process though. from feeling confused and trying to decipher what's going on, to feeling clear abt stuff then confused again then clear again then to feeling bad abt whats happening and to being blamed for whats happening to feeling sad abt everything and to trying not to feel sad and finally, not feeling sad anymore. haha this whole chunk sounds so lousy english but whatevers.

im gg to slp cus im hungry.

oh yah. dinner with charneokangs was ba chor mee SUA at raffles place and it was good! im gg to bring mag there.

friendships are built based on the commons. really. especially for mine.

2009-06-15T23:47:00.002+08:00

im so tired.

dinner was two plates of spaghetti with some mashed at mag's.
post-dinner activity was Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging with ruffles.

aaron johnson is damn cute in the show la. hahahaha me and char almost died. adrian too. but of boredom. no pretty girls.

i love british accent!

and i thought ive stopped liking movies.

ok. im gg to slp. gdnight.

2009-06-14T23:55:00.001+08:00

im too tired to blog. and i cant be bothered either. but i'll try.

mon - dinner with homie! not a bad night.

tue - took cab to work. no good. shopping with ttg and kfc! woohoo! cheese fries!

wed - dinner with liz. no good. i spent 34 at swensens! thats worth 6 days of lunches lor. :( and my stuffed chicken or whatever that patrick highly recommended tasted like kfc...

thurs - home early! yay!

fri - dinner with LLF and adel and mr wong wahahahaha. he's v cute la. he's damn logical and rational. he rarely gets my jokes lor. the weather was super hot and there was no movie to watch. so sad. ktv was exp on a wkend night too. and a transexual scared the shit out of me. it was a happy evening though. me and adrian were singing ktv at work. usually, i might get qt irritated if he plays loud music cus i hate noisy songs which is why, i only like 1 of greenday's new song from the whole album. but i was qt free on fri so i cld join in the singing haha.

sat - work work work. and supper! so happy that i got to work with the boys! supper was ok lor. was qt tired. reached home at 3 la. the guys all took my car and hahaha they were all damn paranoid. i think yp almost peed in his pants lor. we got home at 3 cus we were stuck in some jam caused by a road block. it was damn horrible. thanks ttg for guiding me and thanks yp for being my reminder hahaha! :)

sun - work again. it was SUPER HOT at sentosa. i was so tired from work that i fell aslp on the floor when i came home. hai. but i smiled on our way there. im happy that my teammates are getting along well with each other.

the other day, i heard over the radio, i think its a fri? how many days were happy for the past wk? the dj asked. and i thought a while, my ans was none.

i was qt disappointed to know that ttg is going desaru and nobody wanna go genting. the genting is ok la i dont really care but... sigh. and im sad to hear the unhappiness ttg has. i really treasure this bunch of friends and i want all of them to be happy.

to reward/cheer myself up today, i had bubble tea & laksa for dinner. calbee chips were my 'desserts'. hehe.

yishun had fireworks display the past two days. managed to see a bit but its really a super short moment of happiness. i rather not see it then. really. hahahaha but its funny that a sengkang friend had to tell me lor. and me staying in yishun knew nth abt it. i wanna have better fun, my dear sengkang friend!

2009-06-07T15:22:00.004+08:00

ytd, i was watching a hk drama and there's sth which the fat man said that i really liked.

he said, having the mindset that "you reap what you sow" is not right. this is bcus, you'll always think that you shld get back what you've given but you'll never be happy since you'll nv get back everything you thk you deserve and the qty is measured based on your own standards. so, we shld nv expect any returns when we help others.

er yah. get it?

humans shld stop being greedy and be contented.
i'm trying to.

2009-06-06T15:11:00.002+08:00

yay! we're getting wii tmr! hehe. i doubt i'll play with it often since i always prefer tv to games but my friends can come over and play during xmas and cny! :)

oh. but i dont seem to have much friends now actually haha. LLF! maybe you shld really come stay over! wahaha. youre my last resort man.

2009-06-06T00:53:00.003+08:00

i had a lot of thoughts on my way back from the airport. me and charneo went to send van off. have a safe trip, van! i'll miss you! i wanna hang out with you when youre back! you dont know how lonely i am. :(

dinner was exp lor! idiot neo. one pasta which was eee and one cake which was yum cost $27! dont eat at tcc. its so exp. sigh. payday pls come soon. shit. i forgot to reply wh's smses again. i think he sent me like 5 alrd hahahah paiseh la! i v busy sia. meet this wk or next k. next wk better. actually maybe not. and this wkend too last min le. PAISEH LA! hahaha.

lunches on thurs and fri were much livelier with the presence of kent and terence! hehe so happy they came earlier to meet us for lunch. otw, its always only me and sharon. dinner on thurs was mos burger! hehe my suggestion. long time no eat. yay i love the fish burger cus of the mayo. which reminds me of xuan. double yay. gg to see her next wk. ok la. my hehe and yay are kinda fake la cus im feeling a little tired. no mood to blog.

i guess i'll go ahead with the plan. even if it means letting down a few pple. sigh. everyone is selfish, dont you think? stop criticising me when youre not perfect yourself. or maybe im better off alone.

and the sentence you said made me feel a little sad after all. maybe i shldnt have chosen this route. haha this sounds all so drama but yea. youre right. without you, im left with nth. am i falling in love, or what? hai. sian.

i love the BBF soundtrack!!! shld i buy it? i was in town on mon and i was deciding btwn the imported ost and the local version. 30 vs 23. 30 is ok right. but er. i dled alrd and i listen to it everyday haha. it makes me emo a little sometimes but its really a little only.

i almost went crazy hearing some tourists speak korean at the airport lor. i really wanna learn. i hope im gg korea. maybe i shld learn to be brave and independent and go myself with a dslr. hahaha. so dreamy.

dinner at waraku was damn bad. the pasta damn yucky la. i'll nv go there again. but i rem when i went with char at novena, it was ok what. lousy heeren branch cant cook.

ok! i need to clear some work. gdnight, love.

2009-06-05T00:52:00.000+08:00

i finally feel relaxed.

im feeling a little tired but it wasnt as bad as mon, tues & wed. was it tues or wed that i quarreled with my mum? i was really v tired from work and i cldnt find my bank book so i exploded. i think i wasnt used to a routined lifestyle. well, its better now. i was so tired to even reply smses and i missed my bus stop a few times cus i was napping. this was how bad things were the past few days. and it was qt boring lor. today was much better. i was so busy! i didnt even have time to talk proper with mag and team.

sigh. ive gained a kg. i need to lose 5kg!!! er. i need to.

i feel friendless and lonely. i miss you subway cookie! haha.

2009-06-01T02:01:00.002+08:00

I CANT WAIT TO CONTINUE WATCHING MY SHOW! hehe. i really really really love it. how! i cant stop watching it. sigh. but i need to slp. tmr is my first day of work. its gg to be a busy day. gotta meet my friends for dinner also...

the past week has been rather smooth-sailing. was in quite a bad mood the whole day on... fri. forgot why. but i felt better after meeting the guys and watching angels & demons. haha i felt so clever cus i thought ewan mcgregor was bad right from the start. oops. spoiler. but i dont think anyone reads my blog anyway. if youre reading it, you must have watched it or not gonna watch it. right? im so clever!

i was trying my best to finish one ep of boys over flowers when kent and teckguan called me. oh no. its so late alrd. all their fault. im gg to slp. gdnight!

2009-05-29T14:17:00.010+08:00

i love this part lor! im watching it for the 3rd time! hehe. its so sweet. korean shows are really so cute and funny! its damn retarded sometimes. hahaha but i like.

this guy is not bad right! he's not exactly the male lead but yea. im posting bcus i said before im gg to post pictures to bring some colors to my blog hahahaha.

sigh. my eyes are so tired. i dont know why. it happens quite often. i hope i dont need to wear specs. so ma fan. :(

i wanted to blog so badly last night! i was happy but too tired to blog. you know why?

CHARNEOZERS IS BACK FROM THE STATES OF SWINE FLU!

hehe. we went ice3 for supper. its ok only lor. icekimo offers a wider variety of ice cream flavours. when i was abt to eat my ice cream, it was no longer in solid state. hahahaha i was talking too much. i cant multitask rem? 12dollars down the drain. but at least i didnt have to cab. patrick rushed home in the midst of his exam revision to pass me the car. so nice lor. i felt quite bad. but well, it was a good night aft all. :) and she bought me sth! i love it when i get presents which i like or ive been wanting to get. thank you neozers. we shall both have a great first day of work on monday!

2009-05-28T18:49:00.003+08:00

korean school uniforms are so nice! (but you need to have nice legs.) and i love the f4's dressing! oh and the korean girls' dressing! they look so cute in winterwear! they look so skinny in their thermal tights... so good... they really have super nice legs la. no wonder their uniforms are mini-skirts with knee-high socks. so cute right! but woah. korean pple dress really trendily. taiwan and spore are nowhere near their level la seriously.

hehe. im in love with gu jun pyo! pls go watch the show on mysoju.com!

fyi, all the boys are super young. the female lead is the oldest! hahaha. i think she's like 25. the youngest boy is 20? nvm. no one cares. so, im gg to cont watching my "boys over flowers"!

-

on a heavier note, i still cant believe i let myself fail.

2009-05-27T02:53:00.004+08:00

having the flu just means more headache and more tissue. ive used up a box of tissue. flumax doesnt really help. or maybe cus i didnt take it consistently. its been days... i was shivering at expo today and my pkt of tissue wasnt enough. sigh so miserable. i even brought along two jackets. its really damn cold!

my sim friends! supposed to have junyu also but er. he v blur. he mixed up the dates. hahaha.

on our way back to bugis junction after our steamboat dinner, someone suggested watching a movie. so er. we went to the counter, chked out the available movies (it was 9.30pm) and decided on night at the museum 2 which was showing 15 mins ltr. haha so sudden hor. felt quite bad abt the paper which im quite sure im gonna fail cus i didnt study. even laughing out loud made me feel bad.

gw asked how come im gg to fail. i said i didnt study. so he asked why didnt i. i said i tried but i gave up so i expected it. and he said, since you expected it, why did you give up trying? sigh. sounds confusing but all in all, its just abt me being lazy and having no determination at all. i did try but nth cld go into my head i swear. plus the flu bug was making me v slpy. ok fine. i shldnt attribute my failure to the bug. its really just me. i just wanna get it over and done with. i didnt motivate myself much to revise for this paper. i just wanted to like, rest. i didnt thk of gg out to have fun either. so its really not abt not wanting to study and going out to have fun. its just abt... i dont know? wanting to end this whole exam shit? i feel bad each time my fam ask abt my studies. im like gg nowhere... sigh. this is like deja vu. for the 3rd or 4th time. maybe cus i look forward to work instead. or maybe cus i just dont like sch. i just hope i will only fail one module. pls pls dont give me two. actually, there's another solution. i thought abt it just now. but it shows how sick i am. i thought of hijacking the plane. hahahaha.

patrick said natm 2 isnt as gd as the first. haha good that i have really bad memory. i rem nth so i think natm 2 is really funny! hahaha i always love ben stiller anw. hes so cute. owen wilson is v cute too. hehe so adorable. but if you cant take lame jokes, dont watch. its really lame. everything abt it is lame. i like the guard too! char shld know! we always watch his lame shows haha. i thought he's called seth rogen but he isnt! what's his name ah. im trying to google now.

yay i found him! he's jonah hill! hahaha his shows that me and char watched are: knocked up, superbad, forgetting sarah marshall. the lame shows and the happy times. :)

me and flips are hooked onto the korean meteor garden! the guy is damn cute hahaha!!! all the guys quite cute la. i cant wait to get the dvds but i bet they are selling it at a high price now cus its showing on ch u every sat night. so jian right.

and i love this hk actor called damian lau. HE IS AMAZING i tell you. he's 60 alrd but omg. HE IS DAMN CHARMING LA!!! hahahaha its bcus of his role in the show actually. he's like some robin hood who is damn clever and cute. i went to google him and its so funny that everyone loves him!! all the girls are crazy over him. i was quite troubled a few days back btwn the korean guy and damian lau. hahahahahaha.

this is damian lau! he's the man on the left! so suave right. :) hahaha. i know im mad. but i really think i have a thing for old men.

both the LLFs are sick! hahaha. so cute hor. its v funny how we always are at the same places. she was at taka, so was i. i was at fareast and she was gg over. i was at ikea and she was also gg ikea. but not the same branch la. haha but now that she's sick, we cant meet tmr! so sad. nvm. soon soon... hahaha. :)

neo is mad la! hahaha she is damn possessive lor!

charneozers. says (2:25 AM):
i thought u were going ktv with your LLF
whoever she is, i hate her already

oh no. it just dawned upon me that... if i fail two modules this yr, i need to retain leh. sigh. but there's no one to blame except myself. sian right. why must we study. working is good what. hai. how ah. :(

2009-05-23T15:31:00.001+08:00

and you had to spoil my mood. damn irritating.

LLF! where are you! how come not replying my email! :( hai sian. eh dont reply in my tagboard ah. pple are watching.

2009-05-23T14:57:00.002+08:00

I NEED TO STUDY!!! sigh ive slacked since last fri! so bad. :(

ive decided to be more positive towards life. though i feel that im positive enough. im too positive actually.

i shall not be picky. i must understand what T.S Elliot says: "we put on a face to meet the faces that we meet". hahahaha. psych is good. it makes me understand myself and others even more. sometimes i think ive understood enough but there's always another explanation. humans are too complex to be fully understood. then again, psych is not that good la cus it says a lot of negative stuff about humans but yah. i shall be objective, as always. :)

im gg to start bringing my camera out and take more photos of things and people i love. i shall post the photos and bring some colors to my blog. :)

p.s. hahaha i say only la.

2009-05-21T00:33:00.003+08:00

yay! i finally finally am gg for my facial tmr! initially, they said they were fully booked. when i called again, they had like 4 free slots! i chose the 1pm one so that after that, i still have 2hrs to shop before meeting the friendship friday girls. i wanted to choose 12 so maybe i can study a bit at macs or sth before leaving town but it was taken. so sad. nvm... fri i must study. though er. friday im gg out with patrick and flips. nvm. sat and sun then. psych is quite taxing i think. it requires a lot of understanding, for me, and all the theories seem the same, to me. there's paintball on sunday actually and i think it'll be very fun! but im not gg. i dont think i shld go la. kinda wasted hor. cheaper in JB. then again, ive wasted the whole week so nvm... i shld stop existing.

im gg to get my prettyfit shoes tmr! hehe. and also shop arnd for more clothes! wahaha. im gg to go zara and dp thats all. after that, i'll go thomson plaza run an errand. hopefully, tmr will be fruitful. unlike today. today was not bad but hmm... the aftnn activity was: slack. we really slacked all the way. i talked rubbish to mag and yap while char did her grocery shopping. noon was lunch at ikea! pure ordered 18 chicken wings and 20 meatballs. just nice! we finished everything, except our own orders. haha. today, everything that i planned didnt turn out well. i had wanted to buy a cake that says "farewell, pure" but the cake-writer was not at work yet! wth right. i wanted to call the day before to order but i forgot. i was having too much fun with the boys haha. then the drawers that i wanted to get were damn cui. i expected it la so... i'll wait for my mum to be free one day and ask her go with me. i really wanna get! maybe next mth lor. i need the pay man. ive been shopping so much. not a lot compared to other pple but its a lot compared to the past months.

ive been wanting to say... i dont know what i wanna say actually. its really hard for me to pen down certain thoughts/feelings in words. i cant even describe them verbally actually. its sth about relationships/friendships. it can be a sudden surge or a gradual diminishing one... and i think friendships are really built on common interests and shared topics. if things are no longer shared or common, or if things are no longer unique/special to us, hmm... ok! i think im tired. cant you tell? ive been typing rubbish. gdnight!

2009-05-20T03:11:00.003+08:00

im so tired. but today was fun! even though i know i made teckguan really mad. im v lazy to sms and say sorry. ive been smsing so much these two days that my arms went numb.

today was like christmas shopping. we were looking around for presents to get for the 3 bday boys and girl. more fun for the boys la. pick and choose and i pay. i wanted to shop quite badly but the boys reminded me to be task-focused. :( so bad hor. we met at 1 for chicken rice and jenkin was there with his gf too. haha he so cute. he reminded me of my msm. damnit. give me 2nd lower class pls!

shopped around fareast looking for kun's and jim's presents but nth seemed unusual. as in, everything seemed normal and usual and boring? you know? hahaha. then, we bought mac's flavour burst which is not nice! pls dont buy it. its so meltish and watery. so lousy. cheat my $1. gonna ask neozers to sue them! pls sue them neozers! i miss you. quick come back. i'll go aloha loyang to visit you during your quarantine period hahaha!

after the cheaterbug ice cream, we went pac plaza, shaw, tangs, taka and wisma to see see look look. we finally decided on a fcuk shirt for jim, a nike jacket for kun and an agnes b passport holder for ailing. i like the passport holder! its 95. ok right?? i felt like buying lor. but i dont think i need one la though its really nice. :( there's also a v nice white wallet! 395. not v exp hor. like a bit more than my coach. but my coach damn easy to maintain la. cus no need to maintain hahahaha!

since we had nth else to do, we went kent's hse and slacked and played saboteur. yay! i finally got my songs from him!! yippee! and the whole day, i was teasing him and yvonne. damn it. yet another competitor. wahlau eh. he so charming meh. haha. she started wearing shoes after he told her she shld stop wearing slippers! crazy right. kent's been telling me to lose weight since forever but i never bother. shit. i lost to yvonne.

ailing the bday girl treated us to pizza hut! cus we forced her to. hehe. we wanted to pay her back! but i just realised we forgot hahahaha. nvm la. she got fulltime job. while waiting for the pizzas, we played saboteur. and after pizza hut, we went macs for ice cream (AGAIN) and we played saboteur (AGAIN). for 3hrs lor. madness right. haha. i was quite distracted la. by some other issue. well... things still seem the same. i tried my best.

2009-05-19T03:44:00.000+08:00

i just wanna say, LLF! your sms made my day! hahaha i was really Laughing out Loud la silly girl. initially, i thought you were telling me about your inferiority. i was like, huh mad. so random. later, i realised you were talking abt my inferiority! i didnt read the sms properly. i love you too. thanks for volunteering to watch movie and eat with me. hahaha you make me sound so lonely lor. i have friends la! dont worry k. but if you are lonely, i can watch movie and eat with you. WAHAHAHA.

2009-05-16T02:31:00.000+08:00

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone
I've tried, but I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down
I know, I've got to let it go

And just enjoy the show

2009-05-16T01:21:00.001+08:00

i just edited the prev entry. im feeling v v tired now and i think the below rubbish that i'll be typing might not truly reflect how i feel.

is this the kind of life that i really want?

i can be v logical and objective. i always can view things that are happening to me or btwn me and other pple, from a third person's pt of view. this angered my old friend a lot a lot. haha. she hated it when i made things sound as if im not involved at all.

i think i really understand a few pple in my life quite well and i know what they are thinking. whether they actually feel inferior deep down or whether they feel... whatever. inferiority reminds me of LLF. haha today was a happy day for us. i shld say, a shld-be-happy day for me. damn sian la. i bought 2 apple juice with aloe vera and i didnt cap one of them properly so... my things in the bag were drowned in it. stupid things always happen to me. the other day, i forgot when and i cant be bothered to recall. ok fine. its wed. after my mktg paper and talking to ade and desiree, all i wanted to do was go home eat dinner and slp. however, HOWEVER, THE STUPID TRAIN TOOK FREAKING 1.5HRS TO REACH AMK AND IT TOLD ME TO GET DOWN AND TAKE BUS HOME. ok sorry. not only me but everyone else. i dont really care abt the rest bcus i was really tired. esp those who didnt give up their seats to me, i dont really care abt you you you. it so happened that yp was at amk too! hahaha gw told me he was stuck. SINCE THE BUS QUEUE WAS 1KM LONG (I SWEAR), yp cldnt take it and said he was super hungry after tennis, so i went for hokkien mee with him even though i had alrd eaten 2 breadtalk bread. yes yes. what a pig. ive been eating a lot of van houten chocs too cus guardian's selling two for 3.80! damn cheap! finally, i reached my doorstep at 10.30? my paper at expo ended at 5.30 btw. yea thanks for the sympathy. i really need it.

shit la LLF. you reading this? my nails are badly scratched!!! all my nails. cus of typing and stuff. i think the top coat they used is quite cui kind. haha today me and LFF went town to shop, do pedi and mani and pluck eyebrows! woohoo! i wanna get the dp white top, maybe similar ones, the zara skirt? the nautica striped shoes? and i wanna go vivo! LLF has PERFECT LEGS AND BODY. her figure v good lor. her legs are amazing. she looks damn nice in short skirts!! but she doesnt wear skirts. wth. shld flaunt her assets what. next time i take photo show you. haha bcus of the manicure, we were like handicapped pple. we cldnt take money out from our wallets and the eyebrow pple had to help us. we cldnt try clothes and shoes either. anw, nth nice in town. things are either too exp/not worth it or not nice. plus LLF kept saying, this one online can get cheaper. that one online also have. LLF = long-lost friend btw hahaha.

ok i think im not v tired anymore though i only slept for a few hrs this morn. i wanted to slp early! i didnt want to blank out again! but i just cldnt slp. sian right. tossing and turning in bed for 3hrs is horrible. maybe i was too excited abt the things i wanna do after the paper ends. i wanna go ikea, facial and shopping! i wanna slack and watch tv and reply all smses properly and promptly. anw, i went amk macs to study from 4-11 by myself. good right. and i thought i cld get 2nd upper class. wth. i did one qn wrongly. damnit. damn damn silly mistk. pls pls give me 2nd lower? i really desperately need it. hai. wish i cld retake accts msm and marketing. which is er, all. argh. nvm no pt harping on it. but trust me, i wld have gotten first class if i had spent more time on msm. i only took 8hrs. hahaha. it doesnt sound like i even deserve 2nd lower but pls. everyone will be getting 1st class for this module. its pretty easy.

back to the original topic (yea i digressed a lot a lot), i was on fbk chking out friends updates and i saw ubin's photos. not mine. my friends'. seeing their happiness makes me feel that everyone has his/her bunch of new & good friends now and is leading a new life with these pple and they dont need me anymore? everyone's making changes in their lives and becoming better. doing things that are more fun and entertaining. im the only one not keeping up with changes and lagging behind time. im still so boring and conservative and a know-nothing and having no life. it also seems like ive drifted apart from my friends and it seems like i dont really care. i guess it seems like i dont really care bcus im not doing anything. but you know? sometimes when i wanna do sth, seeing or hearing or knowing certain things just makes me feel like, sigh nvm. forget it. i shld just move on with my own life. i'll try and study even more then. sounds selfish hor. also sounds like an escapist. yea i am. i always say it. furthermore, i feel v different from them. the difference is getting greater and greater. its making me taking steps backwards. im not a fun person to be with and i know it. i dont really want my friends to lead a boring life with me and do boring things with me. eat watch movie eat watch movie. life isnt just abt these two activities right? well, ive always been like this. and i dont think i'll be changing. i love heart-to-hearts and conversations which make me feel tight to the person. convos with van always make me feel thats the reason why we are friends! haha. my life is really all abt slacking and doing nth more than that. im just fat and lazy and greedy and boring. take it or leave it. and i think im moving backwards bcus... i dont wanna be compared and im alrd comparing it myself. im inferior rem? i know what im like and what it's like being with me so pls dont tell me things i alrd know.

however, its true i feel v waste-time going out sometimes when i feel i shld be studying instead. its just so hard for me. to go out or to study. of cus i'll choose study cus it makes me feel better.

i do get sad and disappointed and i feel neglected or non-existent in their lives sometimes too. i may seem pro-active and all but thats bcus i try to make the effort. im actually quite passive. when you make the effort, you shldnt expect the other person to reciprocate but somehow, you still hope he/she will. or they. i also want attention from my friends. i like it when my friends send smses, indirectly telling me they rem me and still care abt me. i rem i used to complain to char and kent abt a friend neglecting me. i do care when my friend neglects me bcus things dont feel the same anymore. you rather go out with them than us. you always prioritise them. and if i wanna meet you, you ask if i wanna join them. i dont like. all these are from past experiences. not that its happening. dont worry. again, like the prev entry, just let it be. you cant expect pple to change for you. and you know what, change is non-existent. seriously. when pple talk abt changes, its a lie. nobody shld tell you he/she is gg to change or will change bcus it wont come true. the change shld come naturally. er this is how i always feel la.

teck is talking to me online now and hes really my buddy buddy la. for the past few mths, he makes me feel like im still sth to someone. i really like him as my friend. really. i dont expect much from the other guys. guys are just... guys. all i want is, appreciation.

hmm well, i guess, its a yes. this is the life that i want. since i've changed it, i shall keep it the way it is. haha i know the conclusion is kinda random but i wanna stop typing and go toilet. maybe i wanted to stop being pro-active and be passive, however, expectedly & unexpectedly, passive = nth from the other side.

2009-05-09T20:55:00.001+08:00

im gg to be damn fat. a taxi driver told me if you eat too much coconut milk, you'll have a big butt. omg. ytd's lunch was curry rice. teabreak was mini rice dumplings in coconut milk at lerk thai. snack was garlic bread and a nap immediately after. dinner was curry rice again.

today's lunch was laksa and a 4hr nap str after. dinner was curry rice again. im sorry. i really really love curry this much. sigh. sorry pat! sorry to my fat body.

its so weird how friendly my new friends are. they are like planning a ktv after my last paper. i didnt expect their plans to include me. there's also some sentosa trip. i never really liked gg out with my friends' friends cus i dont like them to be talking to the person and not me or talking to me and not that person. i dont like it when im out with my friends and the bf/gf comes along and keeps quiet. if he/she is friendly, i think its not that bad. i dont like it when im out with my friends and suddenly, someone else we dont really know v well appears and our friend didnt inform us before we meet up and im not v close to that person or i think that person shldnt even appear bcus its a meeting meant for just us? but this kinda thing, just let it be... and it'll be over. unless it keeps happening then i think i'll not like to hang out with you as often cus its not a just-us thing anymore. i'll wonder, will it happen again? btw, whatever i said applies sometimes. sometimes only. depending on my mood i guess. i can be quite grumpy and irritable.

i think studying is ok. but i still try to avoid if possible cus i dont really like meeting new pple due to my inferior complexity. so far, things been ok and this year, ive made like 10 or more new friends from sch! i dont think i'll be maintaining the friendships though i feel bad la. its like, you only talk to the person when you need to. rgd sch stuff etc. v bad hor. liz can do it lor. i wonder how she manages to have so many friends! shes mad. i dont even have time for my current friends. i think i have time but i just dont know how to manage. the worse thing is, i'll still be getting damn cui exam results. damn sian. think i dont study smartly. sigh. im gg to retake my accounts for sure. so disappointed with myself. i dont know how come i forgot all the formulae and layout but the next day after the paper, everything was so clear in my head! what the hell right. sigh. whatever. i can never work under stressful situations and if there's a time constraint, omg i tell you. i sure cork up like mad. nvm.

on a lighter note, im alrd in a post-exam mood. hahaha this is quite a bad note to make. im making plans to meet up with my friends before starting work. the last time i saw the guys was the night before neo left. we had supper at thomson prata hse and yp said he felt that my driving was ok even though kun and kent kept asking him to bao zhong = take care & good luck. stupid boys. but i miss them!

btw, whoever is my friend and is reading this (im v sure no more than 5 pple read my blog but ya), i'll be starting work on 1st june! i'll only tell you what it is if you ask. but im sure i'll be meeting up with everyone i want to meet up with anw, before i start work. :) i look forward to next next wk! hehe. its the week of freedom! haha though i still have one last paper on 26th. ive got dinners to go to alrd. i love meeting up with pple i want to.

i think im quite lucky. i have a few friends looking for a job snc its their sch hols now and my sim friends also want a job for our 3-month sch hols but i alrd have one waiting for me to start! but i know when i grad, i'll be spending months looking for a job that pays reasonably and i like. as if opportunities will come knocking on my door again. most prob will end up somewhere i can make do with snc i dont know what i like yet. that totally sounds like me. unambitious. ok la. i want advertising or events or magazines. but im not creative. so sad.

im thking of starting work earlier actually. i dont think i need rest. though i also think i shld rest la. i work so hard for what. hmmmm... sigh. nvm. sometimes i wish everyone will not take things i say to heart then i can say anything i want about you and everything i feel. however, i just cant do it cus nobody can take it. im how strforward. so, i'll just keep quiet and try not to care abt anything bcus i know i can. i can ignore whoever i want to ignore and i can stop talking to you forever if i want to. i can lead a life of my own. obviously i'll still talk to the pple i need to - my colleagues, my bosses, my family. other than that, i think its ok. ive stopped craving for movies and food anyway. these two activities require friends. for me at least. but im also happy staying home and forcing flips to watch dvds with me haha. and he'll love to eat with me too. i dont really need a social life. dont worry. i'll still be friends with a few pple i want to remain friends with haha.

haha nvm. i dont know what this post is about and it seems like im talking nonsense. today, i slept so much but i was still v irritated cus the weather is crazy hot! and my mum kept talking to me non-stop abt whatever that's happening in her life and in her friends' lives and i cant study. i'll be meeting LFF and ade and mel to study on mon so i hope it'll be a productive day though er. nvm. hai.

ok! im gg to watch tv. hehe last ep!! i love MARS and RAINIE!

2009-05-06T17:50:00.001+08:00

Woke to sounds
I prayed you were there
I fell back down
But I'm sure you still care

It must have been good
This can't be for good
Everything's o-...
Is everything ok?

I waited, oh I, oh I
Waited, oh I, oh I
Oh I must be too dumb to be proud
Cause I waited, waited

2009-05-05T17:10:00.002+08:00

omg i just spent 5hrs trying to resolve the stupid msn issue. i dled the new msn 2009 which totally sucks and you cant even uninstall it. wth. so i sought help from my best friend - the Internet and tried a billion ways just so that i can log in to msn. damn waste time right. but i hate to leave things lying there like that. im so glad this isnt happening on wed. but i dont think i'll be online on wed anyway. its the eve of my first paper. sian.

2009-05-05T04:21:00.000+08:00

You're gone from here, soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
Cos everybody's changing and I don't feel right

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same

2009-05-04T19:49:00.003+08:00

disgusting.
i feel nauseous seeing you.

well, i need to study anyway so... i'll hide!

-

sigh. wasted half a day travelling to tiong bahru.

2009-05-01T20:46:00.004+08:00

:) the two songs on my blog's playlist make me really happy. ive been listening to them since ytd while studying. trying to study, i mean. sigh. ive been slacking since last fri. the day i met up with rach and chuns. :( its really quite bad. i slept my whole aftnn away. ive been slping my everyday away. hai.

taken from wen's blog:
Sometimes there's so much to rant,
but when the content becomes more than necessary,
stories are distorted and issues are blown out of proportion.

Sometimes escaping seems the best option,
because escaping the situation equals escaping the negative emotions
and there's a sense of zen, a sense of independence, a sense of relief.

Sometimes I just want to stop thinking, stop wondering, stop having to decide.
I want to get on with my life.

i totally agree with the first paragraph and the next two totally fit me.

on sunday night, as usual, i couldnt sleep. er its mon morn actually. while tossing and turning in bed, neo sent a sms at 3am which said sth like, hey friends! by the time you read this sms, i should be in the plane to new york now. i swear i almost cried. that idiot girl! she sent the sms 6hrs before the actual boarding time. wth right.

me char van and kw still made it to the airport in time! even though she told us the flight changed to an hr earlier at the last min. i had to wake up at 7. clever me told xuan to give me a morn call since she wakes up at 6 every morn. very poor thing hor. so damn early la. thats my slping time. me and char were damn lucky! we took cab and we expected a jam but! the traffic was quite light! even the cab uncle said we're lucky girls hahahaha.

i was damn tired after that la. i only slept like 3hrs. char too. and she had to fly to bkk in the evening. so now, two of my good friends are away. i hope they are safe. esp neo. the swine flu and the 4-day peru trek. but i'm sure they'll be safe! :)

2009-04-30T17:30:00.007+08:00

You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

hopefully, everything is really fine.

2009-04-26T05:59:00.000+08:00

i have so many things i wanna do, yet i have no time. today, for example, my plan was to ask char out for pedicure cus we haven gone out by ourselves for a damn long time. theres always other pple arnd and i feel i always have no chance to talk to her? i dont know? not no chance la. just no time or whatever i dont know. in the end, i slept till 1pm. an hr ltr, i suddenly rem abt my date with desiree so i quickly smsed her to say i cant mk it. haha i was supposed to go studying with her at woodlands!

my day ended abt 2hrs ago, with supper at thomson prata hse with the fri party gang. we had penis pasta at char's and mini-mj and saboteur at colin's. it was quite a not-as-rowdy-as-before night. a little weird. maybe everyone was tired lor. i was stoning the whole night. luckily homie was with me. at least i had someone to talk to haha. towards the end, i got better! but too late. everyone wanted to leave. haha. i even did a qn of accts when i got home. so hardworking right hahaha.

hmmm... this sums up my day. oh yea. hehe i had a few hrs of slacking arnd with flips and mum. good. at least i dont feel that bad. but it isnt enough. i'll be coming home for dinner ltr. :)

btw, i really became damn fat la. my tummy is damn huge. like 4 mths pregnant. sigh. i need to exercise man. :(

thk i better go off. gotta meet liz mark chris and daniel ltr at 1130! i'll be damn late. hope not. hai. before i go, can i mention the meetup with chuns and rach on fri? the last time we talked really properly was like, in st nicks la. haha isnt that 5 or 6 years ago? we had pasta at iluma. its a new shopping place at bugis! and its really quite empty. i feel different from them though. i mean, they are pretty and all. dress up make up and stuff. but its not abt the looks. its abt the thinking i guess. they are right. im still like thking abt things that are just meant to be wasting my life away. xtd is the thing they said abt me. xtd = xiang tai duo. hahaha. madness. but im quite extreme la. if i dont xiang at all, i thk i'll lose all my friends lor. and not feel much.

omg. i must go now! still need to reply a few pple on msn. crazy right. so late alrd! BYE!

2009-04-24T01:04:00.002+08:00

my eyes are v v tired.

wishlist:
faceshop eye serum
faceshop sleeping mask

guess what happened? i dropped my $25 facial gel from a 1.5m height and er. it broke into half. i bought it ytd. i thk i told you. yea. sian. thats half of my pay for today. :( hai. nvm. whatever.

2009-04-23T03:29:00.003+08:00

and i thought i cld finally slp early. sigh. i slept at 5 ytd morn and 430 the day before. both days, i was late for study session. tues, i reached at 2 i thk. i forgot. wed, i reached at 3!! super late la. our meeting time is 11 (but i always reach at 1 haha).

i spent 110 at faceshop today. its not that bad actually, if i use them faithfully. i'll try to. i haven chked my bank balance for a while. after paying for presents and stuff, im sure its like... damn low now. sigh.

me and neo went shopping a bit on mon before seeing our beloved zac efron (hehe) and we both bought crocs! its our belated bday presents! :) but neo had huge probs with hers the next day. she actually managed to change them even after walking in them in sch for ONE WHOLE DAY. hahaha when she told me her feet hurt but she had no choice cus she wanted to flaunt her diamond jibbitz, i was like, omg. she totally deserves the 5 million blisters on her feet. yea. she told me she had 5 million blisters. she spent almost 2hrs counting them. kinda crazy la.

after the movie, me and charneo went tongshui. it was our all-time fav. the yi mian is nice! i shall eat that the next time with liz haha. bugis has tongshui. oh yah! this sun, we're gg for a feast! im quite excited! i walk past the steamboat EVERYDAY. the smell of the tomyam soup and the sight of the prawns and crabs... i er. cant help but... salivate. a bit. hehe. this sun, its our turn to watch pple salivate! yays!

i thk i spend a lot of money on food lor. i eat my lunch and dinner out everyday. super sian. no subsidies somemore. but ultimately, its my choice. we ate ah chew desserts twice in a row and it was damn yummy! i had craving for it today but we settled for qi ji nasi lemak instead. it was not v nice leh. i shld have eaten dessert! coconut milk is the no. 1 killer in spore.

im quite sick of my life now. insomnia and stuff. hai. sian. but i also dont wanna go out and waste time. unless, i feel that i need to.

last sun, me kent and his friend yvonne studied in sch till almost 7am. its crazy la. i still had sch on mon aftnn. but i thought it was quite productive despite some distractions. sigh. sian la sian la. my life is so sian. i seldom see my mum and flips now also. :(

2009-04-21T04:03:00.001+08:00

"17 again" was awesome. even hrs after the show, i'm still amazed at how unbelievably good-looking zac efron is. he's 101% perfect, seriously. he does not have a single flaw. i wonder who are his parents. are they even humans? how did they manage to produce such a cute baby! its crazy. really. me neo and char almost died from heart attack probably abt 3247873 times. i bet one of the girls in the cinema fainted lor.

awww... look at him. he is amazing.

and this is one of the worst pics ever (im kinda tired to search for better ones) but he still looks gorgeous. omg...