i need to go on a diet. during lunch on fri, i ate 3 stir hor fun, an orange, a bowl of cheng teng and tapioca with gula melaka. dinner was a slice of cake. supper was tongshui - floss toast, chicken and chicken burger. !!!!!
sat was laksa and beehoon and kw's bbq cum buffet. !!!!!
today, i went chc for service. freaking early la. it lasted from 10 till abt 3 at expo and i still went town. the crowd in town caused severe headache. so happy that someone gave her seat to me in the train. i slept till bishan and xuan called me. met for sakae which made me really happy. bought 8 pkts of chips! made me happy too. :)
oh yah. lunch was a donut with BK fries and onion rings. when i came home from sakae, i ate my mums dumplings and cookies and a slice of choc cake and 2 otah.
i shld really quit my job and go to sch everyday. i eat damn little when i have sch lor. cant wait for wed!
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i jus cried. still crying. u know, if only... if only what some pple say is true, abt washing away sins by doing whatever and whatever? which i dont rem la. but i do not believe in telling pple how sad i am all the time bcus, so what if i tell? things are still the same. did anyone solve the prob for me? everyone jus tells me to do this to do that. if it is so easy, i wld have done it a year ago. "stop indulging in your sadness, pat. you think too much, pat. get over it, pat." i know what everyone's gona say. i know. but i jus cant.
are u going to tell me now that i can? jus that i choose not to. cus this is what i told others. i thought i could. but im still like this.
if only repentance cld help to make things better, turn back time, remove regrets or whatever magical or impossible solutions, i would gladly put in 1000% of effort in everything. how abt being a saint?
no. everything is nth but a lie. a big fat lie. even if i become a better or a super duper nice person whom pple worship, things still remain the same.
someone convince me otherwise. if u can, i will go cambodia and vietnam to build houses for the poor. really. if things cld be the same again, im willing to do anything no matter how lazy i may be.
btw. sth which i studied in sociology and i guess i totally applied in the wrong area - juvenile delinquents remain as who they are bcus, the society does not give them a chance. society forces them to remain as who they are.
ok. the crying has stopped. period.
enough of diet and emo stuff... on a happier note, im glad to have sincere friends like teckguan and kangwei. i think they are really sincere. and im v blessed to have a good friend like neo cus she doesnt mind my inner ugly-ness and i guess when sept 23rd really arrives, i might jus... i dont know. i'll be ok, for sure.
if you haven noticed, pat has become a robot. and someday, robot pat will become a battery-less robot. sometimes, i feel so tired of life. every min, u hafta try and excel. every min, u hafta try and be nice. every min, u hafta think abt the next min and the min before.
i worry abt work abt sch abt presents abt friends abt dont know what nonsense and i still procrastinate. so whose fault? mine. the only thing i do not worry abt is whether the sky will fall. cus i wish... but then again, wishes nv come true for me.
since wishes do not come true at all, i shall reveal 2 of my 3 bday wishes every year.
1: for my family to be ... (this definitely must come true so on 2nd thought, i better not reveal it)
2: for me to be happy (this will nv come true unless... erm so yah.)
3: ...
work tmr. i better slp now. if i can. sigh. i promise, this will be the last publicly posted emo entry. gd night!