oh, love's gonna get you down.

Friday, July 31, 2009

i can choose not to care and be selfish. i can choose to say whatever i want to and not care abt how you feel.

but i need to stop. i need to stop grumbling abt my colleague to my colleagues and influencing them. i need to keep the disgust i feel in me and lower my standards and be a less anal person. i need to accept and be calm and try and see the world in a more beautiful picture.

in concludes, i need to zip. concludes sounds better than conclusion. dont you think? try reading it out.

i can afford to lose a few more friends and its fine with me. but if we can choose otherwise, why not? maybe cus i cant be bothered to try. im so weird huh. and when i lose them, or when i dont see/hear from them, i blog abt how lonely i am. maybe i shld stop blogging.

btw, i dont like to hang out with pple whom i thk do not like me. sounds ego hor. but, so?

sometimes, im flooded with work that i cant be bothered with the outside world. its so noisy out there anyway. i rather be alone. i just want to go home after work and rest and relax. i dont like alien hair and cats and dandruff and urine and pple shaking my hair. i dont like my work place to be infested with... i dont know? and polluted. its stressful. omg. i just realised a clean and relaxed working environment is so important. sigh.

all my friends shld rem i stopped befriending this guy who urinated on the toilet seat. its damn disgusting. seriously. i think its v dirty and inconsiderate.

ok im sorry. i shall stop and think abt how beautiful the world is.

im not v clean but it doesnt mean i cant feel uncomfortable. ytd, in the train, a china man sneezed and sth cold fell onto my foot. i tell you, i almost cried.

nvm. on a lighter note, yappy surprised me today! hehe he's so so sweet! im glad things are ok now. homie and me shared long hse prawn mee today and i brought her to eat the apple crumble at dino which is a super rare item! its qt exp though.

tmr got work again. i cant wait for next week to be over. hai. my results are coming out soon. sept i thk. patrick good lor. gg korea... shiok hor. i also wanna go. but i need to settle my sch fees first.

at 10:56 PM

I saw a spider I didn't scream.
Cuz I can belch the alphabet just double dog dare me.
And I chose guitar over ballet.
And I take these suckers down cuz they just get in my way.
The way you look at me is kinda like a little sister.
Rubbed by your goodbyes.
And it leaves me nothing but blisters.

So I don't want to be one of the boys.
One of your guys.
Just give me a chance to prove to you im neither.
I just wanna be one of the girls.
Pretty in pearls.
Not one of the boys.

So over summer something changed.
I started reading 17 and shaving my legs.
And I study the litter religously.
And I walked right in school and caught you staring over me.
Cuz i know what you know.
But now your gonna have to take a number.
Its ok.
Maybe one day.
But not until i get my diamond ring.

Cuz I don't want to be one of the boys.
One of your guys.
Just give me a chance to prove to you im neither.
I just wanna be a homecoming queen
Not one of the boys.

I wanna be a flower not a dirty weed.
And I wanna smell like roses not a baseball team.
And I swear maybe one day.
Your gonnna wanna make out make out make out with me

(Don't wanna be)
Don't want to be
(Don't wanna be)
Don't want to be
(Don't wanna be)

Cuz I, I don't wanna be one
one
one of the boys.
I just wanna be one of the girs.
So pretty in pearls.
Not one of the boys.

at 2:12 PM

Thursday, July 30, 2009

sometimes i wish it was a BMW. and i might be somewhere in europe now.

at 12:54 AM

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

i miss you. :(

i wanna go for camps. seems fun!

i also wanna go travelling... so good. i wanna see and REMEMBER what i see.

dinner was ok lor. cheap! but things arent the same anymore. i need to adapt.

aiyo i need to go on a diet. i eat rice twice a day lor. tsk tsk.

ok gdnight!

at 1:08 AM

Sunday, July 26, 2009

i really think Kim Hyun Joong is damn cute!

at 8:59 PM

it was a happy night.

with my banana, char!

and my van, who broke down the other day (hahaha!)

and the birthday girl, CHARWINNERS!

love my girls! :)

im sure van and kangs didnt expect ktv to be so fun! hehe. i wish we had more time though. its ok! there shall be one more time!

i cant wait to buy dvds and watch tgt with charneo! char actually. neo and me arent dvd-buddies to begin with. hahaha.

ytd was a tiring day. i had to wake up early on a sat morn for work. i cabbed lor. cus i was late. went to meet stracy and her new bf at amk a while. work was... work was ok la. i like working with fiz. ter ng was v quiet. i heard hes been mugging for exams. so maybe hes feeling pretty stressed? i also heard he wanna do well. hahaha so strange hor. how come i dont talk to him. everything was heard from pple. there was kent too. but i was still pissed with him since the chalet day, so i refused to talk to him hahahaha. yays! but i cant wait to meet up with my poly friends!

after work, i cabbed to ikea to meet my fam. sian lor. my drawers are all OOS. what the hell right. waste my time. then we went to JP for dinner and shopping. its damn huge. we almost cldnt find our car. its the size of 2 marina sq i swear. zhen de hen da! but its only 4-storey high i think.

fri was spent with the Sharons! we went tampines1 for sushi tei but we ordered too much lor. greedy shar m. all her fault. tricked me into ordering a don. i can never finish a don ma. i hate her. cheat my money. nvm. we shall have budget lunches everyday next wk!

wed was dinner and shopping! me and charneo each bought a pair of Rubi shoes. and... i dont think i bought anything else. but we visited Ion. you have to ma. even Kobe Bryant visited lor. how can we lose out to a foreigner!

oh and i love frolick now. homie treated me to frolick! hehe. thank you! :)

at 5:28 PM

Friday, July 24, 2009

i like attention and i need attention. it makes me feel appreciated and acknowledged. :)
the attention is care and concern, not whatever you're thinking of.

at 1:53 AM

Sunday, July 19, 2009

i always know, if time cld be turned back, i wld still be the same and i wld still do the same. but, i didnt expect myself to be actually doing it again, now. its qt sad huh. bad character. so, i deserve it la. and i shld stop acting and talking like im always right.

-

when can i walk past blk 334 with a smile?

at 2:04 AM

the night was great! but not enough. it cld have been better without the headache and mahjong.
but yay! cant wait to meet up again. lost only a dollar of mj haha good good. ive spent way too much this wk on late fines, cabs, dinners, shopping and junk food. sigh need to spend lesser man. one more mth to start of sch. sigh. results coming out. HAI.

i had wanted to help bbq but er. mj lacked of 1 player so i had to play. didnt feel like cus i dont know? dont really like mj as much as before. it gets v sian after an hr. i wanna hang arnd and eat! i didnt eat much lor. so sad.

thurs was surprisingly quite a good night. i met up with the girls for manhattan and i realised i dont really like fish. esp fish & chips. i love chicken. im always always eating chicken. maybe thats why im not as clever as fish-lovers like, neo. i dont like dory fish especially. COOKED salmon is ok. raw is eee.

fri was dinner with my fam. finally saw them after a week of... i dont know? social activities? we went to check out shelves and our dinner was so cheap and good! got free flow of popcorn lor. i shall bring my friends there one day. :)

wed was... i think... oh yah. supper! was it? i slacked arnd town by myself for almost 3hrs before meeting up for icekimo. went to do pedicure and pluck eyebrows at fareast. didnt have the mood to shop. good. otherwise, god knows how much i wld spend again on dresses that i dont wear often. i wanna get a grey dress at cotton-on. its me and shar's fav color! haha. after icekimo, i ate ba chor mee. it was awesome. but sinful. i ate bcm at 12am. horrible lor. nobody attempted to stop me. i have evil and skinny friends. :( they didnt even order anything. they sat down and watched me eat. so bad hor.

i forgot what i did on mon & tue. im lazy to go check my phone calendar so im gg off. bye! aiya i think i did nth lor. i only rem last sun, me and zhen went shopping! i spent 200plus on a few stuff. and i cant wear this black top that i bought. omg la. waste money. i shall give my mum.

at 1:20 AM

Thursday, July 16, 2009

ive been feeling... i dont know. i attributed everything to pms but now, its post-pms and yet, i still feel the same.

i guess i really need some time to get used to things. my friends are all busy dating, working and studying and nobody has time for me. and soon, the girls who have just graduated will start work. i really feel v lonely but i dont know what i shld do.

today, i walked arnd in town for almost 3hrs before meeting the girls. i thought of ham. i thought of char. but they are both so far away. sometimes, i wish i can smoke like neo or go to church and be happier.

ive never really fought for anything in my life. maybe only once and it was the worst battle ever. i'll never let that happen again. rather than to fight for sth that you want, why not just give it up? it isnt easy for me either. it also felt like another heartbreak. but i rather be seen as selfish than letting myself get hurt and disappointed again and again due to my own expectations.

i wish i can give up being the coordinator. i wish i can give up all these. but i just cant do it. i feel bad. maybe i shld try. cus i know, no matter what happens, my family will always be there for me.

maybe, maybe nobody wanna stay tgt at all. but ive been forcing everyone to. im sorry.

im v tired. i shld not cry anymore.
read newspapers.
do some exercise.
eat healthier.
use facial masks.

you see, so many other stuff i need to do and im sure i have a lot of good things to fight for.
sigh. i need to focus more on the impt stuff in my life.

at 1:59 AM

Monday, July 13, 2009

Linkin Park's "New Divide" is everywhere. every channel on cable is showing the mtv. its crazy.

21 guns is nice!

-

gotta get a life.

at 12:30 AM

Saturday, July 11, 2009

so ironic. after i blogged abt my healthy slping hrs, i cldnt slp. slept at 4 and woke up at 7. sigh. been making lots of mistks at work and i had to pour out my sorrows to shar m and homie. i gotta be more meticulous and smarter. :(

transformers was gd. megan fox has a really hot figure but her lips are kinda thick and her appearances are qt out of pt sometimes. esp the ending. more emo scenes of bee pls.

ok im qt tired. had work. ate so much today. me and flips ordered 2 pizzas for lunch and our dinner was curry rice! i need to lose wt!

gg to bathe now. bye!

-

i want a bf with a cute dog.

at 9:16 PM

Thursday, July 09, 2009

i've been slping before 10 everyday and it's good. i wake up on time and haven been late for work. last mth, i spent 60 on cab fare. this mth, ive alrd paid 15 for late fines. keep it up pat! improvement!

last night, i dreamt a lot. i even dreamt of Dennis. it's so weird.

anyway, ice age 3 was awesome. much much better than ice age 2. xuan even cried lor damn cute. our dinner was great. zhen! must go there eat. cheap cheap! need student card. you have? haha.

ok. it's way past my slping time. gdnight!

-

i wanna live in a pretty house...

at 11:59 PM

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Regina Spektor's new album, "Far", is very nice.
i like "Folding Chair" & "The Calculation". haha so cute hor the titles.

Mika has a new album too but its ok only lor. maybe i shld listen to it more then i'll like it better.

at 3:19 PM

Sunday, July 05, 2009

seeing this photo makes me smile and im determined to be a better friend. :)

everyone is smiling so genuinely!

at 10:32 PM

yay yay! my mood is so much better now. maybe cus i took a nap. :)

at 8:18 PM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA! :)

his bday is on tues but since he'll be out of town tmr, we celebrated in advance! me and patrick bought him a pair of timberland shoes which he loves a lot and a polo-t. thanks for buying!

at 4:54 PM

wow. i didnt know this song has so many versions. each paragraph is one version. the song is good. its so optimistic! :)

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
You could surf inside a chocolate tube
Ride your board across the wave forever
Get wiped out and never get a bruise
And if a shark came up and tried to bite you
You could say 'I'm chocolate - I invite you'
Wouldn't it be nice?

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
Chocolate roads and trees and birds and bees
Delivering all kinds of letters daily,
Every kind of purple parcel too.
And if the dog did try and grab a mouthful,
You could bite him back he'd taste delightful!
Wouldn't it be nice?

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
You could be a soccer super star.
The referee would blow his chocolate whistle,
A shot a goal would even break the bar.
And if you scored the winner
You could have the cup for your dinner.
Wouldn't it be nice?

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
Riding in the car would be a tasty treat.
Changing gears would soon become a problem
Cadbury dairy milk is so good to eat
When you arrive at your destination,
You'll be greeted with an exclamation!
Wouldn't it be nice?

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
You could play inside a chocolate maze.
Run around and round to reach the middle
What a big surprise for you awaits.
If you couldn't find your way to freedom,
No need to run, just face the walls and eat 'em!
Wouldn't it be nice?

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
Going to the pics would so sweet
There'd be no need for munchies
Cadbury dairy milk is the perfect treat
If someone came and blocked your screen view
Just take a bite and make a hole to see through
Wouldn't it be nice?

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
You could eat your way through outerspace
Discovering new life on stars and planets
A triumph for the Cadbury human race
If you're gonna conquer alien ground
Just make sure you've got enough to go round
Wouldn't it be nice?

at 3:22 PM

hahaha grabbed this from LLF's blog. haha some are quite true.

NICKNAMES
? If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
? If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
? When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
? When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
? A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
? A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
? A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel ..
? The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
? A woman has the last word in any argument.
? Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
? A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
? A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
? A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
? A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
? A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
? A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
? A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
? A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
? Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
? Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
? Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
? A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

my dad is bbqing satay, i think. i dont wanna eat. my throat is so dry.

at 3:17 PM

hi,

it was supposed to be a happy day yesterday but i dont know. i was a little unhappy. not with anyone else but myself.

i guess i need to be the old me to meet my own expectations of myself.
this year, i decided to heck care and just do and say whatever i wanna do and say. but now, i think it isnt right.
i need to be a friend-pleaser.
i need to portray a positive image every min im with my friends.
i need to be less sarcastic and be more careful with my words.
i need to learn to care more and have better EQ.
cus, whenever someone hurts me with his/her words, i've never realised, i've hurt him/her a billion times before with my curtness. this is a valid reason why i shldnt be upset at all bcus its just bad karma.

well, whatever it is. i shld feel happy that everything was almost a success. except the fact that, kent commented there wasnt enough satay and... i dont know? the chicken and stingray sucked and my photos were badly taken and not many either. i hope teckguan is able to send me his.

expectations and expectations. everything just leads to disappointment and unhappiness.
maybe i shld learn to let go... and be contented with whatever.
i need to be less calculative. was i like this before? i dont know. maybe.

on fri, patrick helped to get most of the bbq food and it lightened my workload a lot. i almost died carrying the chicken etc from amk hub home the same evening. dinner was breadtalk's garlic bread plus ba chor mee and its supposedly qt famous but it wasnt nice. the garlic bread was weird too cus they changed to a bigger bread. its more worth it but it isnt as nice anymore.

work was quite busy on fri. me and shar m didnt talk as much as usual and we were just making non-stop phonecalls to carton boxes suppliers. when we finally found one, we drove to jurong. we had to load the carton boxes onto the van and pack the logistics etc for the weekend, in btwn handling queries etc. but ok la. busy is good. i like.

sat morn was spent preparing and waiting. i think its v weird that i kept refusing help. but thats me i think. on one hand, i dont want to be blamed for doing a bad preparation. on the other, i dont want to trouble the rest. its just... urgh. in the end, as usual, i decided to take the latter option.

which reminds me, i was quite sian on fri cus both teckg and kent were sick and i dont know? teckg's case is understandable la. kent is just, i dont know? like, you dont take care of yourself and you fall sick and its just v spoiler lor seriously. its not exactly his fault but with the poor attendance, i cldnt help feeling sian. plus he was late for almost 1.5hrs. told him to rest and not go out he still went JB for supper. hai. nvm. i comforted myself its also to pump cheaper petrol to save costs when ferrying us. when teckg thought we were lazy to go down and buy ice, i really almost cried lor. not upset-cry but i dont know? like sometimes, you do all the shit and you still get more shit. as usual, i felt better after voicing out. i didnt want to say anything to anyone but i was really quite upset so i really had to say it out. i know. im not a v nice person not a v nice friend and im lazy and fat but i tried to be better. i guess im so naggy now and so irritable now cus im entering my menopause. er. obviously not. i guess i expected everyone to do things up to my own expectations also? which isnt good. and i nag bcus i care. i dont like, nag at adrian? i just dont really care. i did la i guess. but after a while of nagging, i just decided to give up. its your life. you choose how to live it. same goes for kent. its his life. he chooses what to do with it. i nag at him each time he smokes. but er. nvm whatever. i also dont wanna care anymore. as if my own life is doing great.

i need to smile more and be more friendly twds NEW people i meet.
i need to take in feedback and change for the better. (one day, teckg told me to stop saying certain things to certain pple abt certain stuff, and i tried to. but i also need to take in more impt feedback, like, how come they contemplated sacking me?)
i need to stop talking as much and be quiet. listening skills are v impt also. i suck at listening. i need to learn to listen and shut my mouth and stop being an irritating asshole.

nvm. enough of heavy stuff, on a lighter note, we played quite a few games at the chalet. bingo (with money!), saboteur (most of the time), im the boss, citadells, uglydoll & settlers... er thats all? the majority played frisbee too. i think they enjoyed. good for them. kent also played jenga with his friend michelle and erm yp. i feel bad rgd mich. but really. i cant socialise well. i wish i can make an effort to. i guess i just didnt bother. and she left cus we were playing im the boss non-stop and... sigh. nvm.

okok conclusion conclusion. enough of nv-ending nonsense!

resolutions:
to be nicer to yp!
to be nicer to teckg
to be much nicer to gw and make a better effort to improve the friendship
to be normal with kent? nth much to change. maybe dont talk to him as much. i cant help nagging at him for smoking and for not sleeping enough. teckg also. always overloads himself. he looked SUPER pale lor and we all wanted to hold his arm as he walked.
to forgive and forget. i will la. definitely. my memory is how cui.
to be more patient (actually, im not bad alrd. i feel. depends lor. maybe.)
to be nicer to my mum.
to make a philip a better boy. hes kinda... selfish and i dont know. but seriously, me and patrick really cannot tahan his weird behaviour sometimes. i had to shout at him last night cus he really irritated the hell out of me. patrick understood totally how i felt. glad he enjoyed la. i think so.

im super fat. ive been eating A LOT A LOT OF POTATOES (CARBO!). btw, our potatoes were super yums and our chicken also. omg. but i dont think we'll be bbqing again.

sorry for this entry. i think im just having PMS.

at 2:38 PM

Friday, July 03, 2009

oh no i wonder if neo knows the way home. i was dead tired from work today. but i looked fwd to meeting neo. haha dont know why. so i came home to bathe and ate and rushed to meet sue van and neo for sushi tei. it was a great night. i need to get a life. i need to have more good friends to hang out with, feeling happy and confortable no matter what we do or say tgt.

work was really crazy but fun on wed. the gist is: van broke down and we had to get help to push and jump start van haha. v fun indeed! i'll be so sad and lonely next wk w/o shar m. :( she'll be gg to climb a mountain. be safe!

im v tired. i actually have a lot to say... but nvm. i wont say it. ive been qt grumpy these days. dont believe a word i say abt pple and things. nights!

at 12:34 AM