ive been feeling... i dont know. i attributed everything to pms but now, its post-pms and yet, i still feel the same.
i guess i really need some time to get used to things. my friends are all busy dating, working and studying and nobody has time for me. and soon, the girls who have just graduated will start work. i really feel v lonely but i dont know what i shld do.
today, i walked arnd in town for almost 3hrs before meeting the girls. i thought of ham. i thought of char. but they are both so far away. sometimes, i wish i can smoke like neo or go to church and be happier.
ive never really fought for anything in my life. maybe only once and it was the worst battle ever. i'll never let that happen again. rather than to fight for sth that you want, why not just give it up? it isnt easy for me either. it also felt like another heartbreak. but i rather be seen as selfish than letting myself get hurt and disappointed again and again due to my own expectations.
i wish i can give up being the coordinator. i wish i can give up all these. but i just cant do it. i feel bad. maybe i shld try. cus i know, no matter what happens, my family will always be there for me.
maybe, maybe nobody wanna stay tgt at all. but ive been forcing everyone to. im sorry.
im v tired. i shld not cry anymore.
read newspapers.
do some exercise.
eat healthier.
use facial masks.
you see, so many other stuff i need to do and im sure i have a lot of good things to fight for.
sigh. i need to focus more on the impt stuff in my life.