i jus did sth which i...

sth which i think was qt brave of me? i dont know. sigh. anw. it will be sth which will not work out. things i do nv work out.

my heart really stopped for like 4 secs.

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every lect, i feel stressed and i feel like i need to quit my job. but what abt pple's expectations of me? and my expectations of myself? so its gona be lesser of tv shows and lesser of meeting up with friends.

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i think im mentioning this for the 3rd time. i said every yr my bday, or whenever i go to a temple, i wish for the same things. health happiness for my family and sth else. so happiness is alrd taken away from me. and now health for my family? bad health = unhappiness.

life is pretty unfair. some mean pple get all the good things in life and i thought i was mean?

i know life isnt that bad but when i think of things that are happening beyond my control, i jus feel so. urgh. ARGH DAMN IT. i did everything that i cld. i did. but did things become better? no things became worse.

and now, i know i shld have quit. actually, i know i shldnt have rejoined. but what can i do? i can give a weeks notice and go. but can i? i mean i can, but will i?

i have given up the idea of being happy cus i know this will nv be true for me and i know my hairspray girls out there will say, hey pat we love you much much and we are here for you all the time, but girls, sometimes, love jus aint enough. hahahah ok. its a song.

and whats with making a bday wish before blowing out the candles? whats with slapping your friend's face and mk a wish if you and her happen to say the same thing at the same time? whats with wishing at the shooting star if you see one? what crap.

nevertheless, aft my grouses, i guess i still cant let go and i still am hoping though i blogged and said a billion times that hoping is stupid cus hoping leads to greater disappointment and sadness. thats what im doing.

gd night pple and neo, i love you so and im really glad there are pple like you who believe in friendships.