i usually go in the directions of my friends and my family always thinks my friends form a major part of my life and they see me more than my family does. im not sure if its true but i know, i always try to follow my heart. i stay home when i feel like staying home and i go out when i feel like going out. i dont hate staying home. (edit: i just dont really know/wanna reject my friends when they ask me out unless i really really cant make it. and i always go out cus i try to maintain regular contact with my friends though maybe some pple think its a bit too much to meet my friends at least once every week. ok la. once two weeks. which reminds me, my sms is 1500 every mth. i shld cut down lor. yes. i shld cut down. i shall not msg pple rubbish.)

i may not be able to eat what i crave for dinner sometimes cus somebody else wants sth else, but its quite minor. or maybe i hafta watch a horror movie when i know i'll be so scared but its ok too. i dont mind. dont mind and dont want are very different right? as long as my friends dont think badly of me. i guess i care a lot abt what other pple think of me and this is why i always try to agree and follow. i was telling gw and wy abt my life in sec sch and wy asked if i were happy. i dont remember actually.

tonight, i made two of my really good friends angry and i felt bad. but seriously, when i got home, i felt really comfortable. its not that i finally can bathe or sit down or slp or whatever, its just that i dont have the guilty feeling anymore. last night, i went out for supper with gw and wy and i sat in the car, thinking of many reasons to convince myself that its ok to go out. though i know, my parents dont care whether or not i go out, but i... its just a very weird feeling which makes me feel really really bad if i go out. this morn, i came home at 5. i made a point to wake up earlier to vaccum and stuff. i know they dont care cus its what i shld do, by right. but by doing all these, i feel much better.

sigh sorry gw and xuan. i think they were really angry and i think no one in class has seen their angry faces before. only im capable of doing this. theres nth i can do though. i wished i had a car and i wished i knew how to drive. i told xuan i cld cab there but i think its also very weird la. i guess i sacrificed friendships to make myself "feel better"?

each supper just adds to the amount of "debts" that i owe cus pple gotta send me home and taking cab is really exp. i dont know. maybe pple dont mind but someday, pple will just say i make use of them. i mean, we'll nv know right?

(edit: oh. just thought of sth. hai. if we had went out ytd, the chat wldnt have turned into a heated argument and char wld have gotten her wallet. today we went town and isetan was having a private sale. we gotta go back tmr to check.

hai. i was telling kun year 2008 is really a bad year for me. i quarrelled with my parents 3 or 4 times and each time, i know its mostly my fault. anws. everything thats happening just tells me what xh said abt me is all true. and philip my super sensible bro told me, "jie. if mum thinks ur lousy, then u shld change lor.")