i jus woke up! wanted to go ktv ever since last wk but no one is free... wh. go tmr? hahaa.
a lot happened this wk. i spent a lot. i took taxi to work EVERYDAY and broke the record (finally). mum gave me money to buy pillows last last wk. 50 bucks. its gone. colleague gave me 70 to buy birks. its gone. friends returned me money for kent's bday adidas jacket. its gone. i haven gone shopping for wks. wheres the money ar? sometimes i wonder if any of the temp staff took cus i leave my wallet lying arnd and i nv chk how many ten dollar notes i have. that day i thought there were 7. and the next morn there were only 4. or did i drop anywhere cus my big pink nike is super messy.
kent's adidas! nice hor. wy and gw chose it.
then on mon, sth happened at work. only two know abt it. i cried like mad on mon. the next day, i didnt talk at all to anyone at work. and i refused to tell anyone wat happened until that night. lina was great. i burst out right aft we got down the bus. i really was feeling v miserable. and this feeling, only reminds me of xuehui. so on mon & tue, every feeling and pain that i had, it jus doubled up. every min at work, i felt like crying.
anw. for the mon's issue, i will jus ignore him. and wat he told others abt me. how i backstabbed him. a traitor etc. he only came for abt 2 wks. i will not clarify anything with anyone bcus i feel it will jus deepen the misunderstanding. i guess, damian and lina and yvonne are right, pple who know me wont judge me based on wat he said.
imagine, a 2wk relationship can cause me so much misery and guilt, wat abt a 2yr one? all i wanted was forgiveness from the guy. and it applies for the latter.
was on friendster and saw my old friend's profile. sth had happened to her i guess and the thought of msging her to ask hows everything flashed across my mind. it flashed and nv reoccur again. i know if i msg her out of concern with sincerity, all i get wld be either, no reply, or shes fine. not that i expect much but i know she will say it and anw, it doesnt matter anymore whether i ask abt her or not.
i have learnt not to have hopes in life, cus at least a hundred times before, i gave myself hope and got disappointed. sometimes they tell u, dont hope ar. i dont wan to give u any. but subconciously, u gave urself.
i have learnt not to feel anything. if nobody comes to work, its fine with me. i had appeared at work alone before. so much feelings u have, only u are suffering. zarina is always comparing, narrowminded, petty, and shes unhappy. not us.
zarina is hospitalised. i dont know wat to feel. then the laosai girl is totally freaky. i sincerely hope she can stop acting so close to me. but i know i was v rude. i do feel bad. maybe its immaturity. i shld handle it in a better way. hmm...
someone said before, i have v strange thinking and analysis. i agree. but i dont think my feelings are wrong sometimes. i really do think so. though most of the time, i contradict. but its jus me, i wana be firm i wana change i wana try and end up, i will fail. when i say shes bad, i will relent and give in and say, maybe shes... maybe she... maybe... humans all are good right. i sound angelic right. its true la. i really always try and find excuses for the wrong things pple did. including myself...... hai...
lisa said i gained weight again. drivers advised me to go exercise. hai. i ate pratas for dinner on mon, mos for dinner on wed, durians on thur, and fri was sakae plus bk onion rings and chix cheese sticks!!!
mum cooked a lot this evening. steamed white chicken, broccoli and cauliflower with prawns, mushrooms and fishballs, omelette and a big plate of sambal prawns. can we finish?
for a long time, i haven smiled at work. i feel neither happy nor unhappy. i feel nth...
Sunday, April 08, 2007
i used to want to not like s.h.e anymore but the more i want to, the more i cant.
i was at the vcd shop today and i stood there for 5mins watching selina sing... 还是会寂寞
早已忘了想你的滋味是什么
因为每分每秒都被你占据在心中
你的一举一动牵扯在我生活的隙缝
谁能告诉我离开你的我会有多自由
也曾想过躲进别人温暖的怀中
可是这么一来就一点意义也没有
我的高尚情操一直不断提醒着我
离开你的我不论过多久还是会寂寞
别对我小心翼翼
别让我看轻你
跟着我勇敢的走下去
别劝我回心转意
这不是廉价的爱情
看着我对我说真爱我
i love this song. i wana sing it soon. i wana get a lot of ktv vcds and sing at home. im so gona get the s.h.e concert dvd la. cus i love them.
i wanted to borrow vcds from another shop but the person said she needs my ic. so i went home and took my passport (i lost my ic in bkk) and also mum's ic (just in case). i went down again and the person said she needs my ic cus it has my add. then i asked if i can use my mum's. she said my mum has to come down personally. glad my dad came over and helped. he was on his way home. 3 cheers. but this didnt end my unlucky day. aft borrowing 4 discs, it started raining. went watsons and bought a red polka dot umbrella (v cute). not long aft we (i forgot to mention philip was with me) stepped out of the shop, the rain stopped. BLOODY SHIT right. yea. :D smile pat. listen to selina's song.
got up qt early to burn songs for teck ytd. then went maine's hse to get my birks. hai. its ugly. mum and philip totally agreed. they added oil and salt and vinegar and sugar and more. :( nvm. 70 bucks ONLY.
then gw drove us to city harvest. i think pastor kong's preaching was really good. i will go if wy invites us again. but i wont join cus i have no time to be committed. i got emo a few times and nearly teared. xuan too. i didnt cus ive learnt how to control. crying is good though cus it really does help relieve stress. try it if u havent.
ive been eating too much everyday. the feeling of puking comes every now and then. yet im still eating. am i too stressed up or wat? i got no one to relate to... hai... nvm... forget it. hmm. maybe i shld go city harvest hor?
aft the easter play, we went kunion at cine to give kent a surprise. his gf and his fam spent abt 2000 for his 21st la. so much money lor. ate like nbd's business. haha. was fun cus when i go ktv i always zi high anw. sang a lot with the girls - zhen&xuan. but stress not fully released yet. i need more ktv to shout out all my unhappiness.
btw. i've decided not to celebrate my 21st alrd bcus i will nv get the present i want anw.
k. back to kunion... kent got drunk and he was sent home by gw and lala. we stayed till almost 4. hahah his friends all left before us. we were qt bored at first cus the friends were singing and we had nth to do... so... urm. haha. we took some pix. actually. we took many but not gona show u the ugly ones.
bday boy --> kent!
we were bored... we want to sing!
the flash light of sony ericsson is too bright. oh. i think i might get a canon cam leh.
haha i like this pic cus i think we were v cute. (yea. look at my stupid face.)
rabbits.
my lovely friends.
ahhh!
hmm...?
oink oink.
haha now for some random pix which i wanted to post but was lazy to switch on my hp laptop. now ive got the software in my dell laptop. goodie.
nah xiuzhen! this is wat i did in msia lor...
and nah! this is my current nails... i like. :)
rem there was once i wanted to pack my room and i took out my clothes from the shelves but was too lazy to fold and put back?
my hair grows v fast leh. this is the length when i acc wen to cut hair. one mth ago?
hahaha i wana mk my face look slimmer... this is the length of 2 wks back i think... haha.
i wana cut my hair. but then i love it. i love my hair when i have good hair days.
found this in my album so i just post lor. this entry is flooded with ugly pix alrd anw. this is wat i wore on chu yi.
my birks! its too small. i told maine to get size 40 actually. i think she didnt note it the 2nd time. cus i said 39 at first. :( but nvm la. i know most of the time, in life, we cant control a lot and we cant get wat we wan all the time.
at
Friday, April 06, 2007
im feeling super full and kinda sad. hmm. disappointed i guess. sigh. nvm...
at
my mum is crazy. today she and my dad did some praying for qing ming jie.
she...
fried nuggets
fried fish balls
cooked curry chicken
steamed one whole white chicken
fried hokkien mee
made soup
fried a big fish
veg with prawns mushrooms and meat
cooked some pork meat or wateva
bought char siew, meat & lotus paste buns
bought fried carrot cakes
bought dou sha bing
im full.
so sad. my nails... sigh.
at
came home at 12.30. was suppering with lina. ate 2 egg pratas.
im tired. but not stressed at all. i forgot wats that. sigh. erm. i duno how to start. forget it. csc is in a total mess. but its the only place i feel like im being appreciated. i will nv give up. i hope yvonne will not too.
took cab home twice this wk. took cab to work twice this wk. ot till 9plus 10 every night.
so anws. on a happy note. my nails were being praised by many customers (taxi uncles). haha.
"wah ur nails v nice leh. nv see so nice nails before leh."
"how much u do ur nails for? v nice. like fake ones. fake or real ar?"
"v shiny v nice. the nicest nails ive ever seen. wat u do ar? to mk it so nice."
some even went to touch. one even went to hit them. siao. my nails are real.
hahaha. no exaggeration. nth bt the truth.
and now, on the sad note, the paint is peeling. i lent my nail polish to connie. haha. she loves it. and i love it too.
at
Sunday, April 01, 2007
jus got settled down. was at tecks hse. a bit slpy but as usual, im not gona waste my night.
my wkends were as usual, youtubing till morn 5. before that was challenging minesweeper with gw. hah. he lost! mos fish burger meal upsized with nuggets and corn soup!
woke up at 9plus cus of wy's sms. tried to slp and yet another sms from teck. gahh.
spent almost 250 today. i hope everyone can return me back some money soon. present!
in addition,
nail polish - now my nails are in a pretty shade of red
eye mkup remover - my mascara has been removed
6 pcs of 4 leaves bread - for fam's breakfast tmr
ramen and gyoza from cuppage - supa dupa fulll
mac mcflurry and cone - didnt wana hog the place cus teck was 3hrs late!
mphosis bag - impulse? mum said it isnt even worth 12bucks. i bought for 25.
arnotts' biscuits x 2 packs
i need to save. really really. cus i got other plans in mind... hmm...
met chuns and i realised we haf loads of catching up to do. shes so cute. her dressing and hair. haha helo chunsi! :D
saw songwee and was kinda shocked. hes working at my place now from mon to fri and hes still working at adidas on wkends?? crazyness.
at
